The nightly report

Health and Recovery
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Hope you people have had a good day. Mine went pretty smooth nothing unusual.

Back in a good swing. I continue to refuse the voices any space they try to claim. They are tendrils of sound at this point. I can feel their negative energy and influence, but it is separate from me I’m not longer immersed.

Been able to not trigger my telepathic messages to some degree. Pulse anxiety and curiosity keep it happening. And I guess a little self criticism.
It’s weird when it’s happening you get stuff feeling like you live in between them, each one letting you know how you’ve done for the last 5 seconds or minute. Don’t know if I’ll ever be free of it entirely, but these windows without it are pretty sweet. Gives me a chance to think to myself for once.

I’m still pretty delusional, but I’m getting over all the impulse thoughts or intrusive thoughts, bringing me into a clearer less guilt ridden flow of thoughts.

Can you think about thinking something without actually thinking it? You can think about speaking without speaking. And think about moving without moving. I mean to some extent your still thinking, but without the words actually forming. I think I must be doing that instead, aware of old habits and gladly not following through with them. What happens in the mental space is very important to me at this point. It’s weird what this particular set of symptoms is setting me up to become, probably who I should’ve been the whole time, but hey I’m catching up.

It’s much easier for me to construct thoughts then it used to be. All this is just flowing right out. Feels good to be able to write again. Gives me something to do.

Recovery and management and becoming functional again is totally possible. I’d like to think that no one is to far gone. That is unfortunately probably not true, but you’d have to be incredibly unlucky to not have a chance at getting back to a full life.

I really appreciate this place, just talking with older people who have this illness and seen the ups and downs and are still kicking. That subtly gave me a huge layer of reassurance, and the ones on this site are some of the most down to earth people you will meet.

Also knowing other people are struggling, which is a terrible fact, is still reassuring. Could you imagine being the only person with mental illness. That’d just be ■■■■■■.

Might as well keep it short and end it there.

Good luck, wait I don’t really believe in luck. Hmm can’t think of anything else to say.

May the force be with you.

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hi staying positive good to hear your a schizophrenic veteran!
I went nuts the other night and shouted out my window at my neighbours just trying not to beat myself up for doing something so stupid but it was 12 at night and people were talking outside my bedroom window it scared me nd I lashed out. ooops

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Sometimes that might be appropriate. Could have been a simple I can hear you in here. Might have been enough to make them stop. I wouldn’t feel guilty it’s in the past. Maybe they’ll be a little conscious of where they talk in the future.

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Day two of the nightly report.

Nothing really new to discuss. Woke up at 4pm. Spent the day at my brothers. Watched oceans 12.

Symptoms are on again off again, completely predictable. The messages are getting more positive and reassuring. Mind is naturally taking to normal things. Really a day just like yesterday. Got nothing to do but wait till im tired and go to bed. Gonna start looking on the internet for info about apartments.

Think i might go 7 months without insurance. Turn 26 in april, ill be off my parents insurance. But im slated to automatically start medicare in November, an advantage of being on disability. Although I think they deduct the cost out of my payments.

Pretty excited to get my own place. Never lived entirely on my own, always had roomates. The responsibilities of paying bills taking out the trash and keeping the place clean will be a nice burden. Be nice to have a place to put groceries and cook for myself. Gotta buy a bunch of furniture. At least a couch and a new bed. Chairs. It’ll be my castle. A new TV maybe. Gonna try to not go broke in the process. Just need a one bedroom or a studio. Location is kind of important as well as quality. Need a clean new place that is properly insulated. Preferably ground floor. Wouldn’t want to wake anybody up, in fact id rather be woken up then have that happen. I sleep like a rock though so it shouldnt be a big deal.

Getting my mind off of sz totally. although my voices are still there begging for attention. They are a lot quieter though, I cant make out a word. Its like when a light passes over a round glassy object in an anime and there is that band of reflected light that moves across the object. Thats what the voices are like just circling around almost disconnected and powerless. Looking forward to being rid of them, but im well aware that could take years. Never smoking pot again. Ill be lucky if I can reverse the chaotic and random damage done inside my brain. It will make me truly happy, the greatest accomplishment in my life, reversing mental illness.

The key was finding what not to think about, takes trust and peace with the self. As well as interest in the world, however that manifests for you.

Think ive decided to just live with the coffee addiction, it really keeps me going and makes me feel good. I do have to find a cheaper way to go about it. Gotta brew at home.

Well thats it for now, thanks for reading.

May you overcome any of the struggles and pitfalls life throws your way. In the physical world, the social world, and in the mind itself. Love and PEACE.

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Thats cool you are getting your own place. I was suppose to get my own place this year but it fell through because I have a car payment. I am reapplying for housing though this year that way maybe in a couple years I can have my own place.

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Its not terrible living with the parent, Im not sure when Ill be moving out yet, I just know im ready. Hope you get some housing for yourself sorted out. Be persistent.