Only time can tell whether one is capable of recovery. I’m beginning to realize that I’m am not. When I do believe I will return to being normal I cling to every sign of improvement that I see and I become really hopeful, then a few days pass by without any real change or I slip backwards into delusion and get sicker. This is the cycle of my life. I feel I have to eliminate the hope I feel in order to be more consistently stable. It is a balancing act to live with schizophrenia. As time move on you learn new tactics and what works for you. I’ve tried nearly everything to get rid of my voices and it hasn’t done a thing. They still paint up the same situation in which I am supposed to commit suicide. They beg me to do it at every down moment I have. They police my thoughts and make accusations. I have no choice but to change myself I have been robbed of living an ordinary life. The sz has forced me to think about things I would have never dreamed of thinking about and completely trashed my self image. The anxieties I feel now are totally irrational and involuntary and there is no sign of it getting any better. I will probably live with my mother for a very long time. Maybe after a few more years of this it will be easier and I can become employed to the point that I can sustain myself and move out. A lifetime of fun up until I turned 23 has cost me dearly. Thank god my dreams are still pure. I don’t really know what to say to the others suffering from this, sometimes the suicidal thoughts hit me like a freight train or a black hole. I was always one to quit when the going got rough, I just wander if that nature applies even to this. I feel for you if you have the illness may it be benign. Hang in there, fight the good fight, maybe the science of it will make a lot of progress in the next 20 or 30 years. Always here to talk, I know it can get lonely. I love you all. Sometimes you just gotta accept that it won’t stop. Thank god that none of these hallucinations aren’t real. Peace.
The theme of this year 10.10.2014 was Living With Schizophrenia.
We are crushed in spirit and broken in heart.
I think you are capable of being in recovery. You are doing it everyday by trying your best to cope with things that are at times beyond your control.
no, you’re right bryan, for me it won’t ever stop but that’s ok. i can handle it. i will never commit suicide bbecause of it simply because i have faith that i’m in the right and will fight to the end of my days. it’s not tiring, it’s only depressing if you allow it to be. ■■■■ em hunni. they are only voices right? no telepathy, just splinter selves is all. that’s all they are. i don’t think i’ll ever have a quiet period again tbh but that’s ok. i can deal with it. and when the outward voices start i can deal with that because they’ll all be female because you can’t create a male out of a female. that’s a prediction. note that. and when the rest starts i’ll deal with that too. my voices will get louder when i go to the police about my past. i know this for a fact. note that. it will never stop but that’s ok too. i’m a tough bitch and can deal with it, so join me and be a tough ■■■■■■■ lol. ■■■■ the voices.
That was a nice and vulgar post, but I’m with you no other option but to say ■■■■ em.
For many of us “normal” isn’t something we’ll ever see. That’s not a bad thing. It’s possible to live a fulfilling life without being “normal”.
Don’t give up on hope. There is always hope of a better life.
That strongly reminds me of myself when I was younger. I was always telling myself - “if I could just do this right it was a sign I was well.” But I never did it right. It’s a self defeating game. Try not to do that. Also, you seem to get down on yourself a lot. Try not to do that too. I lived with my mom a long time too. The best thing for that is just to not worry about it. You have a debilitating disease. Many people couldn’t deal with what you have to deal with. It’s kind of hard to work with voices screaming at you. Learn to take it easy.
Hey, when I was ages 19-23 with this disease I was hoping I would get better and make a full recovery. When I was 20 with full blown symptoms I didn’t really see any way of it happening though. I had BAD symptoms. The ONLY progress I made with my disease was when I got insight at age 20 (I was diagnosed cat age 19). But the relief was fleeting and I made no progress in my recovery until I was about 23. Then, I was out of the hospital living in a nice group home. Then I got a little better and I think it dawned on me that after I got out of the hospital that I was always thinking I would eventually get well. Sorry if all these numbers are confusing. It didn’t hit me until I was 25 that I would never make a full recovery. I pondered on that for a day or two and went back to living my life. NOW at age 53 a LOT of my symptoms have gone away.
But the point I want to make is that I was in your position. I saw NO way I would get better. It seemed impossible to me that I would EVER improve. I just didn’t see a way that could happen no matter what I thought or did. But lo and behold! I just got off work, made it through the commute, fixed myself some Chrystal light, and I am sitting in my warm apartment thinking of what I’ll cook myself for dinner.
You are capable Bryan!
You really do have to keep going. maybe you are just going through the stages of acceptance. That IS a step towards recovery. I know this is a rough disease. It is…but you are still here, and everyone here is with you.
It will turn out ok.
much love Bryan OO
I ended up eating leftover chicken kabobs, lol.
(Crystal Lite is good with orange juice or grape juice w/a little sweetener added.)
I buy the straight stuff and drink it without anything added (except water). I buy grape flavored, cherry, strawberry, strawberry orange banana, cherry pomegranate. I am weaning myself off of soda. And Chystal Lite is about 1/3 the cost of soda (or less).
I quit coffee with the powdered stuff. Something that tasted better or just as good.
You are capable of recovery Bryan. The time will come when you’ll be recovered. Please don’t lose hope. The suicidal thoughts are to shift you from your recovery path. Don’t let them win.
I know you have better idea about this but just reminding you, stay here and keep nice people’s company. When you have a slight indication that you may slip into depression, share your concerns with your loved ones or just write down your thoughts here.