The meds aren't doing jack

Today I was thinking that everything was so pointless. I was not feeling very motivated or confident in my ability to ever accomplish anything worthwhile. In addition was seeing a bleak future where I don’t really enjoy anything. The depression just seems to get worse as time goes on to where I have less and less periods of happy time and when they do happen they are shorter and shorter. It’s like some kind of seed of misery that was planted in me that’s vines have been growing and growing so they’re now thick enough to smother me and block out the light.

I have no reason to feel this way right now. My life is going great. There’s no real stress. I just feel like there is no improving my mental health situation and eventually I’ll end up killing myself. My brain is so messed up I just want it fixed. How am I supposed to enjoy life or do anything other than get by with constant ahedonia avolition and a 10 min attention span. And then I have these vivid dreams where everything is just…better. And I feel like that’s where I belong, in those dreams, on the nonphysical plane.

So yeah I don’t think depakote does literally anything for me, and modafinil I had an inflated view of I thought it would give me tons of energy and motivation and focus but it doesn’t.

I was feeling this way recently. My symptoms flared up and I was feeling quite down. I know it’s very hard to feel better when things seem pretty hopeless. But an inescapable fact of life is that things change. Wether for good or for bad, things just aren’t capable of staying the same. Day changes to night, seasons come and go, planets form and crumble. Emotions and mental states come and go too. You can pretty much count on you feeling differently in the future. Also accepting you’ll always have a mental illness, as shitty as it is, goes a long way.

Please work with your pdoc…I suggest using prolixin (fluphenazine generic) I love my med and I have energy and I lose weight. good luck.

Right there with ya in a similar circumstance. I can’t take much more myself.

Depakote is primarily for Mania.
It helps some with depression.
Are you on an Antidepressant?

You also need to be on an Antipsychotic.

I know which I swear to god I don’t get mania. I need another meeting with my psychiatrist. Ugh…I need to be on an antidepressant, I just have to. It’s too dangerous otherwise.

I don’t really see a need for me to be on an antipsychotic right now. My psychotic symptoms aren’t that bad. It’s the spontaneous depression that’s killing me.

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