It keeps on coming back. Sometimes it’s just a bad day but I find it creeping up on me more insidiously
I struggle to get up in the morning. I get up at sunrise for prayers and coffee but return to bed and get up 9:45 to 10am and only because my husband wants breakfast. If left to my own devices I’d sleep all morning till noon.
I struggle to go out sometimes. I can’t bother to dress. Can’t bother to brush my teeth. Can’t bother to see a dentist or go for my driving test. Can’t bother to paint pictures.
Just want to read and mooch all day.
My husband gets upset sometimes because I’m not strong in things. I despair of ever shaking off my avolition. I’m terrified he’d give up and leave me.
I don’t know what else to do… my good days seems to be less than my bad days. Or am I just lazy?
Can’t even look forward to seeing a pdoc even though my meds running out.
Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. Waking up is so hard.
That’s how I was before I got on good meds that worked for me. Now that I’m on depakote I pretty much never get depressive episodes and on the rare occasion I’ve gotten them they’ve been sooo mild compared to what I’m used to.
It gets better, you just have to keep fighting to find the med that does it for you.
You should try a mood stabilizer! Depakote works very well for me for example. It doesn’t sound like olanzapine is doing the job for you if you are still this depressed. You need to express this to your doctor.
I deal with depression a lot, too. I am also sza and cannot handle ADs much because they make me manic/ hypomanic as well. I am on a super-low dose of sertraline and also 150mg of Lamictal. The Lamictal seems to keep me from going over the edge. Even though I am still dealing with some depression, it is nowhere as bad as it was. My pdoc may increase my dose next time I see her. I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself. I am the same way. Talk to your pdoc about it, though. Perhaps a med change is in order. Take care.