the past few weeks i’ve been getting more and more depressed. really down in the dumps. pondering life almost non stop. contemplating suicide. the voices don’t really stop, i can’t seem to do much, i get no pleasure out of anything really, i have almost no ambition, no job (but i am connecting with an agency next week to help me find one), no desire to live, no real passions, video games are a time waster, everything is a time waster…
sometimes i see life as not worth living, even if i had schizophrenia or not. it just seems so futile to me, so routine, and just, bland. not to mention living on disability with a meager income, having a low ceiling for life.
how do you guys feel about life? are you happy with the situation you are in, your illness, your state of mind, your financial well being for the future? all these things worry the hell out of me.
I see it in a neutral way,but I understand what you mean i have felt like that before but not now,I hope you get your job and do Better in life
Just the fact that you are looking for employment, it seems that you have something to look forward to - maybe life is worth living after all. Depression sucks big time, no one should suffer needlessly. You could talk to a doctor and get help for it, maybe the right meds. I get bouts of depression everyday - a feeling of doom and sadness, I also get a lot of anxiety, and am going to take a med for it. Dont give up - your future could be a sunny place for you
Life is frustrating the majority of the time. I’m not too suicidal. I’ve had financial problems frequently but right now I’m debt free with a steady income. My living situation is also frustrating but it has many advantages. My state of mind? Well, I have paranoid schizophrenia so I crave peace of mind.
there are two men, they meet when they are young at kindergarden.
one creates an empire and slowly but surely he conquers the world, and owns every building, every country, he owns the world.
he has power and money and riches.
one day he goes back to the town he came from, and goes and sees his old kindergarden friend.
he tells him how he owns the world, and asks him what he has done with his life ?
his friend says that he has had a mental illness, and tells him how he has struggled with suicide and dark thoughts. he goes on to say that he has been sitting at the back of this house just quietly contemplating life and it’s meaning.
the rich friend laughs and says , " so you have nothing, you own nothing ! what a waste of time all your thinking and lack of doing !! ".
with that his friend disappears in front of his eyes, he dissolves into the ether, and becomes the garden he was sitting in, the house, the town he lived in, he becomes every country in the world, and the stars beyond, he becomes the very essence of the universe.
he had become everything, not by doing but by just being.
i wrote this on another forum, trying to help someone.
I live in regret of many of the things I have and haven’t done. I’m not depressed about it, but I wish I had done better. You need to find a way to interupt your downward spiral, so that it doesn’t become a persistent condition.
People aren’t schizophrenic. People have schizophrenia. You are not your illness! Have you checked with NAMI to see if there are support groups in your area? Meeting with others in a group setting can be very helpful.
sadly I feel it’s become persistent. i just don’t see life as being worth living. schizophrenia or not. life just sucks man, its terribly boring and meaningless.
i should become a philosopher, that’s probably the only thing i can do. but even that i probably won’t be able to.
With Schizophrenia, its important to get the right anti-psychotic meds first, and then address any accompanying depression. Sounds like you need a medication adjustment. Sounds like its time to talk to your doctor.
The meaning of life, why am I here, is this all there is? are questions everyone asks at some point. I’m 56 years old and still trying to figure it out. Each day I try to do at least one productive thing. Doing that one thing usually leads to a couple more things, but the main thing is that some sort of accomplishment gives your brain a good feeling…an “I can do this” attitude.
I just switched from Celexa to Cymbalta…hoping to up my motivation a little.
its no the medication man. its life. the medication is fine. just life is depressing. our lives are depressing. that’s the fact that i can’t get over. i think about the movie fight club and how true it is.
^saw this movie for the first time with my girlfriend the night after a 20+ hour acid trip which is when you feel as though your soul has taken leave of your body and what’s left is just deep, dark nothingness…
Needless to say we didn’t quite get it the first time around.
You’re right…life’s a bitch and then you die.
Of course life is depressing…when you’re depressed and have nothing to look forward to its even more depressing. But life will not beat me. I will not allow it. I may not be the most accomplished or even good at this or that, but I intend to enjoy what I do have. I have two hands and two feet and a brain that functions most of the time. I have the ability to choose. I choose to find joy wherever I can. I choose to laugh…whether alone, with others or at myself. I choose life no matter what it means. Whether there is something beyond this life or if there’s nothing more, it really makes no difference to me. It takes meds to get me out of bed and I’ve accepted that. I am here to live my life to whatever extent I am able. Depression be damned!
Thanks motomyrtle. Encouraging stuff.
But I will let life beat me, because who cares.
I live in a group home and I don’t feel too bad. I have a little company, so I can choose whether or not I want to be alone. It could be that you’re spending too much time alone. I don’t know. What you describe sounds to me like a condition called “anhedonia” - where you can’t get any pleasure out of life. Maybe an anti-depressant would help.
I’m really sorry you are struggling. Depression skews your perspective. Depression along with negative symptoms is like a one two punch. Meds can fight the depression and help you to find joy in the little things. Try not to think of the big picture and the future, just get through today. Getting a job would be awesome as it would get your mind off of things and help you to feel productive, but if you can’t work right now that’s ok. Try to think of this time as a time for healing and it’s ok to play video games. If you enjoy it, it’s not a waste of time. Trust me once you get stable your whole perspective will change. Besides talking with your doctor, keep a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed, write 5 things you’re grateful for. It can even be “I did not need bail money” or “I did not have to hide any bodies!” Lol. I’m kidding but you get the point. I’m going to be honest, you’re going to have to fight to get better, but your life is worth fighting for! Hang tough!
We all do the best we can do with what we’re working with. A lot of people with schizophrenia have depression. I am one of them and I take an anti-depressant to help me with it so it doesn’t keep me down. Perhaps you could try an anti-depressant too. You sound so down. I hope you find something to lift your spirits.
I hope to be on this path someday soon, but i have some legal issues to attend to probably going to have a bunch of community service to do (fo FREE, Obviously), and fines. Blah, so much weight to bear. Nothing to complain about.
I’ve been playing some-all the way to-alot of video games lately, i just don’t want you to give up on you’re focused mind, sometimes video games can be a good escape from reality, For example: if i’m trying to find a job, i’ll do a few online apps make them look really good and i’ll let myself play video games for the rest of the evening.
I’m not exactly happy right now with my situations but they are fuel for my creative mind i suppose.
Financial well being yes, its going to be bumpy for a while, In the future? I hope i can stay with my creative moments and hope that they’ll pan out someday in the aspect of a potential career
Its so bad that most to all corporations and businesses are leaning toward online applications, completly taking out the human aspect and approach to finding and reacquiring a job, so that’s bothersome,
its the matrix man
Not a bad idea, at all, If you mean this, i’d suggest going to the local books store be in B&N or a more local one and picking up some mole skins & start documenting the unknown, that’s what i do.
it does get better amplitude. this bad feeling too shall pass.
after the darkness comes the sunshine.
struggling with our own beings, our own essence and what’s become of it, is depressing, it is a disabled feeling we get and little understanding or support from outside.
I hope you feel better soon. hugs, judy
nothing is helping and i keep thinking of suicide more and more…