I’m similair to a lot of you. When I was younger I thought that I could not get a girlfriend if I did not have money. I used to think that all girls wanted was money. Well, the obvious answer is, that is simply not true.
Of course most girls would prefer their boyfriend to have money. And that’s understandable.
But I’ve seen my friends and many other couples who were together and the guys didn’t have any income. When I was hospitalized for 8 months, I saw many people who got together.
And I’ve known or seen many people in the mental health system who got together when neither the guy nor the girl has and income.
I share a room with this 27 year old guy right now. He’s not schizophrenic but he does have a mental illness.
He’s had a girlfriend the entire time I’ve known him. He’s not employed and all he gets is $20.00 a month from somewhere to spend. But his girlfriend is pretty, really nice, and cool and they spend a lot of time together and go places almost every night. This is just one example, I’ve seen many, many more. It helps if the guy is at least half-way nice. And it helps if the guy is good-looking. But looks are not important all the time either.
Inspiring post, Nick! Thank you!
I kissed a bi polar girl in the hospital and did a little more when the nurses weren’t looking. Saw her in the neigborhood(the odds), got her number. Told her i love her over the phone, after that, never heard from her again
You came on too strong, lol. You scared her away, lol.
That’s a sweet story. Too bad risperidal took away all my sex drive. Still kinda want a girlfriend. I just don’t feel any pressure anymore to get one.
I’m trying to not mess it up with this one girl right now. It’s going really well right now! I believe if we’re in college we can meet girls there.
It’s hard af to find a gf for me. I dated a girl for a couple months but it didn’t work out bcz I have no interests or hobbies ergo I had nothing to talk about and it didn’t work out… Mostly awkward.
That’s inspiring tho, there prolly is a mate for all of us out there. We will just never find them…well for an indolent like me anyways.
@77nick77 I’ll have to get back to you on this… I’m still sorting out the science.
Very inspiring story. Certainly having a mental illness and no money doesn’t make it any easier. I’m female, mentally ill, on Social Security Disability and have dated here and there. Was a bit awkward for the aforementioned reason of not a lot of hobbies to talk about. I have no desire to date at all ,for a lot of reasons, and I also am on Risperdal and have absolutely ZERO sex drive. I start school in 3 weeks and that will occupy some of my time and thoughts.
i am going trough the same thing
first try to do everything in your power to get the disease under control, especially positive negatives (yuck) and cognitive (yuck aswell) and boom as bonus for male as female you will find luck and happyness, first think of yourself!
Ive been mentally disabled and with out a job and had boyfriends…
Thing is i was not compatible with them romantically.
Yes. But it might be more complicated and sensitive and difficult than for a non disabled person with a job.
My boyfriend i had who was my bestfriend was a really generous guy and he was disabled (kinda) and on doll or equivelent.
I also had boyfriend that was millionaire that was super cheap. Made me pay rent, never bought me anything nor did he take or buy me dinner or lunch or even coffee.
The "dollbludger " boyfriend was so sweet with the money he did have and was such a generous person.
He would buy us pizza, take us for drives, buy me clothes and buy gifts for me and my dog.
I had no good sexual chemistry with either one of em but one was my best friend.
I was pretty messed up and sick when i was with the best friend boyfriend though.
The best friend boy friend did not make me pay rent.
I think it can be so rude and insulting to be cheap as a partner bf/gf.
Kind of saying “you dont deserve” …
I had another man say “i dont know what sort of person you are if you would have such morals to accept someone paying for your dinner”.
This he said after i had spent hours and hours buying and making dinner for him despite that he had more money in person than i. He always insulted me and tried put me down . I actually think he was jealous of me as irl i make more than he. etc. we were beyond not compatible and he actually had hate and maliciousness toward me. I repent my time with him and apolagise to myself for it.
Yeah. It is doable i think for a disabled person with out job to find good partner for them.
A girlfriend that is only interested in money is not worth having
And I love judge Judy quips.
Beauty fades but dumb is forever.
I never used to care about money man im seeing has but how he is with what he has and if he is a generous person not just with money but with who he is and attitude etc.
As said the most generous man i may of been with was a doll bludger.
I am not interested in only money but the atitude of the man and also attitude and behaviour with his money and toward me.
It is relevant. I never used to think of it but last couple months after being misstreated. again i think it is smewhat important. yes.
Im a generous person in my opinion so i want my man to be generous to me as well.
dumb is forever hey…
Thats what they reckon… then thats what they reckon…
Its not how i view things.
I think it can be really rude and insulting to judge some one as dumb even people who to you behave dumb.
I also think it can be arrogant.
I like to be humble in my view of “intelligence” and money and dumbness and disability etc.
I do not like calling people dumb.
Not even people i don like.
Relationships are overrated. Regardless, the right girl won’t be interested in money or looks or where you live or if you have a car. Make her laugh, be 100% honest with her ALWAYS and feed her. That’s the basis of love.
I agree with Nick. A man with mental illness and no job could still be attractive to girls only if this man has a strong and wonderful inner self which includes a smart brain, a good sense of humor, a noble heart and a significant amount of knowledge and common sense. All these non-physical things count when a woman looks at a man.
I think having a mental illness and no job sends a red flag for sure. It doesn’t mean you’re incapable of a relationship, but those things make people wonder. Not everyone is personally close to someone who has a mental illness. I know that at times having a mental illness makes you not want a relationship. I remember making steps to get out there but finding it difficult to wrap my head around the idea of what a relationship would be like. How to explain my situation or justify it. My meds were affecting a lot of my daily routine and that alone was a major hurdle. It would be a big thing to work around. I was in my early 20’s and I couldn’t physically function like my peers so it was hard to even come across anyone. I would try to date but wasn’t very serious about it and realized after the fact that I really didn’t want to. I was lonely but not interested in a relationship.
If you are ready to be in a relationship and want to be then that should be your answer that you can be. We have to see docs a lot and we have been in and out of hospitals so we know what it’s like to have our lives under a microscope. I’ve learned more recently that most people don’t have this experience and are simply concerned with the person. Relationships should be balanced so if you’re after someone who is very active and ambitious in ways that you aren’t, and don’t care to be, then you probably shouldn’t be together anyway. A partner will wonder why you don’t work, or where you do work, for that matter. If you are truly unable to work then that’s something your partner must accept. If they can’t then end things. You can explain why or what your illness is but I would give it a bit of time. Let things blossom between you as people. There are definitely things they probably feel scared to share, too. Once you’ve established you like each other you can get into other things. Don’t make it seem like it’s such an issue that you are undateable because then you actually may be. If you aren’t working, what are you doing with your time? A partner should care that you take care of yourself and so if you aren’t working you likely have other activities you do throughout the day. Maybe you volunteer or go to a fitness center or take a class or two. Anything like that is key to your treatment and well being anyway. Show that you are doing what you need to do to be well for yourself and for someone special in your life. The money thing can get to people. There are ups and downs where it’s hard to work but you may be able to work part time or work towards a larger goal. You’re a work in progress as everyone is and if not working is what you need right now then that’s what you should do. Taking care of yourself is the best way to move towards working or going to school or whatever you would ideally be doing.
Money can make it easy to seem like you’re able to do things or be there for people. Money can make things easier but it can also make them much worse. You may not have the money to take them out to a nice restaurant but you may have enough to buy some things to make something special at home. That takes more work which shows that you are doing what you can with what you have and you’re putting thought and effort into it instead of saying “I would take you to a nice restaurant if I only had the money” and then doing nothing. Believe me, after the initial relationship stage passes and you settle in, things like telling her to come over when she’s off work and you’ll make dinner and you can watch a movie on the couch is much more attractive. It’s a real life instead of a picture. Every relationship is different and only needs to be defined by the people in it. Know what you want and what you are able to give.
Hi green6. How are you? Have you been gone for awhile?
I’ve been thinking about this. I don’t really care if a person has a job or not, as long as the person has qualities like kindness and knows how to use the intelligence they have.
Regarding having a mental illness, if I fell in love with a person with mental illness, I would only pursue a relationship if I was sure the person was med compliant and on the recovery path, whatever mental illness that would be.
It’s a big nono for me personality disorders, I’ve had my share (narcissist, sociopath, bpd) and honestly, I’ve had enough. It’s a personal choice, nothing against people with personality disorders, per se.
As for me, I intend on keeping myself busy, and I pass as a neurotypical. I don’t feel the need to meet someone right away, but I don’t think I want to spend all my life alone. I’ll give it time.
I would hope having a mental illness and no job woulnd’t be factors for a woman to fall in love with you fine gentlemen, but in all honesty, for some women those factors are important (but, at the same time, if someone is not okay with dating you because you have a mental illness, you wouldn’t want to date them anyway!)
Hello， nick, I’m very well and thank you for asking. I haven’t been on this site for a while because I opened a column on a Chinese SZ forum and I wrote almost everyday to update it. It was so much fun so I forgot to log on this site. But I still miss you guys and would like to come more often.