Hello guys,I’m doing this thread to help myself by letting it all out.
I done 30 this last weekend and it made me think of my wrong choices.
Well first of all I’m 30, I completed my bachelor and biochemistry this year. No job experience before my bachelor, which by itself can say a lot about my wrong choices.
Besides that I was on antidepressants since I was 13 and aps since I was 23 or 24. I only had one psychosis and one hospitalisation. That’s my health facts
Now regarding my choices, since I was 12 or 13 I’ve felt slave to the idea of being a doc, so I end up not having much life in order to have good grades, which they weren’t good enough. I got into college when I was 20 or 21 and everything seemed wrong. I was studying chemistry and I was feeling like crap every day, so I decided to pause my studies in order to solve what’s was wrong with me.
Later, after I started listening to voices and having my psychosis I came to conscious that the thoughts of being a doc weren’t mine, even so they made me think I like biology enough to study more about it.
I’ve been living all my life with false misconceptions, being depressed when I was not, sucking at math when I didn’t sucked so much, and liking biology when I didn’t as much as I thought.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a closed path due to my illness and choices. I can’t continue my studies as I wish to, because I need to work to have future jobs, not having worked in the past is really bad at the moment, and a bachelor in biochemistry doesn’t help me getting a job in the field. Mostly because it’s a bachelor that is more focus to have a PhD. I also can’t work and study at the same time, unless the school is like 2 days a week, but the things I want to study now are 5 days a week.
So this year I’ll try to find a job, to at least have some job experience, but from that point on I’m almost clueless of what’s the right thing to do. My friends and family want me to work, but I can’t work and study at the same time and a bachelor by itself won’t cut it.
In the end I just wish I was never born, I’ve lived with so many handicaps that most people who live with me don’t understand and it’s horrible
sorry for the long post