Schizophrenia.com

The 30's rant thread

Hello guys,I’m doing this thread to help myself by letting it all out.

I done 30 this last weekend and it made me think of my wrong choices.
Well first of all I’m 30, I completed my bachelor and biochemistry this year. No job experience before my bachelor, which by itself can say a lot about my wrong choices.
Besides that I was on antidepressants since I was 13 and aps since I was 23 or 24. I only had one psychosis and one hospitalisation. That’s my health facts

Now regarding my choices, since I was 12 or 13 I’ve felt slave to the idea of being a doc, so I end up not having much life in order to have good grades, which they weren’t good enough. I got into college when I was 20 or 21 and everything seemed wrong. I was studying chemistry and I was feeling like crap every day, so I decided to pause my studies in order to solve what’s was wrong with me.
Later, after I started listening to voices and having my psychosis I came to conscious that the thoughts of being a doc weren’t mine, even so they made me think I like biology enough to study more about it.

I’ve been living all my life with false misconceptions, being depressed when I was not, sucking at math when I didn’t sucked so much, and liking biology when I didn’t as much as I thought.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a closed path due to my illness and choices. I can’t continue my studies as I wish to, because I need to work to have future jobs, not having worked in the past is really bad at the moment, and a bachelor in biochemistry doesn’t help me getting a job in the field. Mostly because it’s a bachelor that is more focus to have a PhD. I also can’t work and study at the same time, unless the school is like 2 days a week, but the things I want to study now are 5 days a week.

So this year I’ll try to find a job, to at least have some job experience, but from that point on I’m almost clueless of what’s the right thing to do. My friends and family want me to work, but I can’t work and study at the same time and a bachelor by itself won’t cut it.

In the end I just wish I was never born, I’ve lived with so many handicaps that most people who live with me don’t understand and it’s horrible :sob:

sorry for the long post

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That doesn’t sound right. Surely a degree would help you get a job in that field.

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I can find internships but to have a job I need a master in something, could be biotech, pharmaceutical engineering, food engineering and so on…
But as I said, my love for biology isn’t that great, which is horrible. I wish I had done something more math related.

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Sorry to hear that len. Your degrees gotta mean something tho right? Theres no way a hard sciences degree cant be useful especially with good grades from a good institution. The job search can take months man dont get too down about it

And dont jump at the first offer either. Know your worth, you may not see it right now but Im sure you gained skills studying biology that you wouldnt have otherwise that can be applied in creative ways. You got this man

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I am in the same situation, I did a 3yr bach of science Kinesiology and got my degree but don’t have the grades to get a master that enables me to find work. I need to choose a master from physiotherapy, Athletic Therapy, CEP (work in hospital surgery recovery) or rehab for old ppl.

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I wish I did computer programming instead.

That’s how I began to feel. I was in University for a Biology degree because I loved genetics. But I had to take courses outside of science as part of my degree requirements. I chose to take 2 courses in economics and ended up excelling in them, I remember just loving microeconomics, it just clicked in my mind and made sense to me like no other subject had. In hind sight if I could do it over again I would get a degree in economics.

It doesn’t matter now. I never got my degree because I became psychotic and had to drop out. I’m in my 40’s and I don’t feel like going back to school, it wouldn’t do anything for me. I’m not going to become a geneticist or an economist at this point in my life.

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I have ok grades, but it took me ages because I didn’t knew I could have the special needs program that would allow me to have an extra shot in 2 exams that I done in that year, so it end up taking longer than I wanted to. I only knew about it 2 years before I finished it, which were covid years.

My final grade on my bachelor is a C I think, and in my country scores, which go from 0 to 20, I have a 14. So even if I can’t go to the master I want, I would probably be accepted in a post grad that would allow me on the next year to be on that masters. Besides I have fairly good grades at math and physics. The problem is that I’M OLD! :sob:

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Hiya @Lenny,

Just came here to say that you’ve accomplished big things!

Biochemistry sounds difficult af, and you’ve got to be one smart person to finish a degree like that.

If you’re looking for something more math-related, maybe something on the pharmaceutical path? Surely there has to be something math-related you can do with a biochemistry degree.

You’re a strong person for finishing your degree in spite of everything you’ve gone though-- it can’t have been an easy ride, that’s for sure.

Wishing you the best and keep us posted :+1:

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Honestly, for me, work is much harder than full time university. I guess my negative symptoms are much worse than my cognitive symptoms.

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just wanna say im envious of all you science/ math people lol

all i have is philosophy but anyone can do that :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I’ve looked at what I might study in pharmaceutical engineering, although there’s some things I like, I have issues with the lab, I have a ton of lab hours and I know how bad it can turn out, just imagining the lab it gets me chills. Not because it’s not fun, sometimes it is, but you need to be focus every minute you’re doing something, besides I hate explaining bad results.

But in appreciation for your reply I’ll share something to give you hunger, a tuna wellington.

tuna wellington

Thanks tuna :slightly_smiling_face:

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I have both, can’t measure how severe they are, but at least I’m not anxious 24/7.
Haven’t worked yet to know how bad things are, although I suffered a lot when I studied because my voices were saying every day I will fail and I’m worthless, nowadays they are more calm which I hope it would allow me to have work.

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You’ve had some really great goals. Maybe you can work in a lab. I worked in a laboratory about 8 years.

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