The 27 club delusion. TW, rant

Unusual Beliefs
1

Most of my young life I was always told by my voices that I would die when I was of 27 years old. Like the rest of the “greats”.

Believed if fully, believed it strong enough to try to compact as much hard living, drug using, sexy time, into the smallest amount of time. Explains the cocaine nights in sex clubs. The mushrooms witches, the acid cults.

Hedonism was a friend of mine, and we got along well. I was the one of my friends who took everything too far, did to much, was going to die or end up in prison. I did neither. They did.

I always “knew” I would die young. As the days ticked shorter and shorter towards turning 28, I imagined my chances of dying increasing day to day, to a certainty on the last day of my 27th year.

My life style came to a peak, and I was blacked out for a few days. I couldn’t handle it sober, couldn’t handle the past 13 years sober. I’m sure I overdosed, I’m not sure how I survived.

Lucky the delusion didn’t drift into a unsafe place of me believing I was dead.

I came too a few days into the age, drugs running out. I proceeded to finish taking anything I had as my mom drove me two hours away.

I agree’d to rehab, and was inpatient that day. Never touched a lot of things after that. I’ve had my slips, but I haven’t given up on the wagon.

Part of me still wonders, probably always will. I can say for certain that I walked away, and am better off for it.

Thank you for reading my rant/vent/bleat.

:llama:

9 Likes
2

Gosh that year must have been super scary for you. I’m glad your better. @Ooorgle

2 Likes
3

tw:

Summary

I tried ketamine at around my 27th birthday for the second time and fell in love with it. I thought I was gonna die at 27 a bit too. Especially when I was 27. Although remember talking to my mom bout it and I said I’m 27 but I’m not gonna die this year. Now I’m 31 close to 32 still kicking it strongly ok. Not addicted to anything past maybe cannabis my meds and 1 cup coffee. Turns out ketamine is not easily lethal. But still very dangerous I’ve learned. My closest scratch with death was at 30. Not gonna talk about it. But stupid stupid me. It was my fault but I lived

1 Like
4

I’m glad you’re still here and doing better.

1 Like
5

Thank you turtle.

1 Like
6

Now that we got past 27. For me it was Moreso 30 that drove me crazy. Thinking Jesus. Thinking numerology. Thinking covid. It all matched up. 30 drove me crazy. Glad to be almost 32. Now we can move on with our lives instead of worrying about stupid numbers

1 Like
7

I hope I can make it to 68. That’s my favorite number. That will be enough for me.

1 Like
8

i was told id die young by a dear friend of mine. still kicking though.

9

Glad you survived your delusion.
Thanks for sharing - its good to hear your history and what you been through.

2 Likes
10

Why 68 lol. I always try to follow 69 people on SoundCloud at once cuz I think people will think it’s funny. 68 is a cool number now that I think of it. I like 24 cuz I used to have good 24ths of the month. And Kobe was my favorite player and now all the players are 24 after him. And I also liked 4.

1 Like
11

That sounds terrifying, how the delusion was so strong, ruling your whole life, right up until you got help at 28. I’m so glad you made it through, though. It’s great to talk to you. And I’m sure your fiance is so grateful to have you.

You got this. Keep going. :relaxed:

2 Likes
12

Just like 69, except you give me head and I owe you 1.

Such a crap joke, but it’s worth putting on a headstone.

1 Like
13

Haha that seriously made me lol

1 Like
14

In ocd I considered 144 a very valuable number. Many integers. But I never got that far because I usually stopped at 12 because it had the most integers of low numbers. Is that word right. Integer

1 Like
15

Geez, you had a lucky escape from that delusion. :astonished: Scary stuff.

1 Like
16

Sobering up was the real first step I had to take in my mental health journey. It made everything worse when I used.

I slipped with alcohol a time and it triggered me real fast. That’s a lesson I’ve struggled with in the past.

Say, half a dozen one time one day off slips over 9 years. Not perfect, but it’s worlds better.

What came first for you? Sobriety or medication? I know you were diagnosed late like me.

1 Like
17

Sobriety came first for me at about 33. Diagnosed and put on meds at 38. Had a slip 8 years ago and drank when I went psychotic on seroquel. So I’m only 8 years sober now.

1 Like
18

You’re a few years ahead of me, but very similar.

Rehab and a sobriety quest at 28. Diagnosis at 32 after an unmedicated episode.

Thanks dude.

1 Like
19

I’m just jealous you got to have that much fun. Sounds like a life well lived

1 Like
20

Oh I’m a cautionary tale for sure. There was plenty of horror stories.

1 Like