I recently went to a Psychiatric doctor due to stress induced “panic” attacks. (or so I thought)
After a near 3 hour discussion about my life (past, family dynamic and much more in depth) the doctor led on to tell me that she believes I’m placed on the spectrum of schizophrenia. I’m going in soon for testing and I’m scared. Through the discussion I learned that what I thought was completely average in my development wasn’t. The voices and my thoughts weren’t common; ever since I was given this news I’ve been mulling over my life constantly. Trying to see where I became different from everyone. My doctor calls me frequently, checking on me to see if I’m still functioning. She thinks I might be on the break of something more dangerous but I don’t know. That’s been my feeling towards everything in my life… “I don’t know”, if I do feel something for it anyway. She wants to put in a hospital and have the testing done there, so I can be watched. She urges me to not be alone for long periods of time (my brother moved in so I’m not alone at home anymore). Obviously I am not officially diagnosed but my fear is that I am and I don’t know what will happen next. I feel more like this isn’t reality, that maybe my mind is already paying a trick on me. Convincing my doctor that I’m suffering from a mental illness that I’m not. But I can’t control what comes out of my mouth anymore. I mean everything I have said to her is and always will be true but at the same time … it’s not me saying it. I know what this sounds like, but I just don’t understand whats going on inside my head. I never really did. My parents don’t really grasp the concept either, my mother is led to believe I’m psychic and my father thinks I’m just immature ( I’m 20 and live alone in a different state than them). I’m curious to know how other people that have the disorder reacted when they were first diagnosed, what they thought and how they felt about it. I personally do not know if I am, but I know that I can’t live being trapped in my head anymore.
I didn’t use to think I had a psychotic disorder either, before I was aware of my delusions…I just thought I got “night-time paranoia.” That was what I called it.
After I became aware of the delusions I started looking at other areas of my life that weren’t so hot either and it made more sense. Eventually went to therapy/pdoc (thanks to help from people on here!) and they basically confirmed that my brain was weird.
Anyways it could just be that there are some things you aren’t aware are weird that you have yet. If you’re confused or uncertain with the diagnosis feel free to ask your doctor to explain it to you. Also, don’t be so worried over labels. I’ve seen people on here get their labels changed all the time. My therapist told me that the labels are actually used only so you can receive medication/disability. They aren’t permanent, and a lot of times aren’t perfect either!
This isn’t the end of the world, I promise.
Yeah I at first I just simply refused to believe the propaganda that was “weed causes schizophrenia” But later I started doubting are they just testing me like do they want to pretend to think I have SZ but see if I believe the lie or not.
At first I thought I was just having a naughty no no like Eric on That 70’s show. I thought that he was just maturing and everybody had to go through a period of intense sexual perception to grow as an adult.
I think I heard somewhere periods of synchronicity happen during times of transition.
I always suspected that my diagnosis was based on expediency and convenience. I don’t know when I was first diagnosed sz. I was first put on an anti-psychotic med. in the hospital in 1988. I found that once I was put on anti-psychotics I became dependent on them. I had never hallucinated until I came off one of them. It stands to reason that if you take a drug that suppresses dopamine in one area of the brain, that area will be flooded with dopamine when you come off that drug. If you can do without med’s I recommend that you try. Otherwise, you might become dependent on it.
I’d suggest not to be afraid of any diagnosis that comes out of the tests. Giving it a name will not make your experiences worse. If anything, there is a good chance that giving it a name will help others to help you feel better.
getting help and getting stabilized and getting into a routine before you have a huge break will help you heal and manage so much faster then I did.
I’m glad your getting help and getting a plan and not having a huge break rearrange your life.
I broke… and ended up in hospital for a while. It took so long to get myself back together… after… then I was told I had Sz.
After… all that my brain had been through… it didn’t seem to register. I still didn’t quite get it.
Good luck and I’m glad your getting help and have your brother around.