Telepathy and the C.I.A

For at least 30 years I have had Telepathy delusions some are pretty harmless but at time they can get threatening. I do my best to try to not believe in them but sometimes I get attached to some of these mind reading voices. For 5 or 6 years I have had the C.I.A. in my mind doing thought broadcasting. They were threatening and I kind of felt protected by them. But the last 3 weeks one of the CIA voices that I hear split off from the group and now wants to kill me. I have been paranoid about it and heve been looking of ways to up security in my apartment and computer. I got a security camera some things to secure my door. But all the research I did for defending my computer from an expert hacker like a CIA agent is completely impossible. I studied up on all hacking defenses and found that there is always a counter measure. Whats worse is I found that the password to log on a computer is absolutely useless. I found that anyone can get through a log in password by using a technique that can get through it in about 15 minutes. I have spent a lot of time trying to defend myself. I have been very scared to just go out because I keep thinking the CIA are coming to kill me.

I’ve been telling myself why would the CIA want to kill me? Who am I and how would I be a target? I am no threat to national security… I’m no danger to society. so why would they want to kill me? I have been doing confirmation bias by thinking things are evidence that the CIA is after me. Like for example I had a car follow me all they way to my apartment and it even pulled into my apartment driveway. That alarmed me. So last night I said “Look I am suffering here and I need to do something about it.” The main problem… The big issue here is I’m believing that thought broadcasting exists. So I sat down at my computer and looked up research that proved or disproved that telepathy exists. My research showed that about 95% of the research I looked at said that Telepathy does not exist. The 5% that I looked at that said telepathy existed wasn’t very reliable to accept. I looked at Research that started in 1890 all they way up to like 2009. Also I needed to accept that many Schizophrenics think the CIA is out to get them. I included. Then I looked back in my past. Once a long time ago I had what was one of the most real telepathic experience where I thought my mind was connected with a woman who I really liked. During this connection she saw some of the thinsg I went through during psychotic episodes and thought I was a complete freak. In my mind she spat at me and I literally felt it hit my face. The next day I thought her family members wanted to find me and kill me. Weeks later I eMailed her and asked her if she experienced any kind of psychic connection with me. She said NO and she had no problems with me. So there is evidence that thought broadcasting does not exist. So I am now focusing on trying not to believe in Telepathic communication. It’s a little hard because it is an almost constant thing in my mind… I have a voice of somekind that is in my mind claiming to be someone. And like I said I sometimes get a little attached to them because they can be friendly at times. But I have experienced that friendly voices can turn on you in the future. So Im struggling with trying to convinve myself that telepathy is just not real.

Welcome to the forum @Silexworm

I moved your thread to the Unusual Beliefs category.

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Welcome to the forum! I have the same problems. It’s scary and frustrating. And I don’t have better answers yet. Maybe someone else does. But you’ll find support here in the forum.

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You have symptoms of mental illness
You should better see a doctor
Dont feel alone i am like you
Voices that never go away …but i fight and sometime win
It is war either you win or they

I also have the same disease that is thought-broadcasting. Sometimes it can be fun and sucks at the same time.

Welcome @Silexworm if you keep fighting you will have a life.

Welcome @Silexworm! One of the first steps someone came make towards becoming healthy is finding a safe place to talk about what’s going on inside their heads. This website has helped me not to feel alone in my experience. It’s a great outlet, and I can even talk about non-schizophrenia things.

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As you discovered, you can have great insights but it doesn’t always help.

All I can say is to keep seeing a doctor or therapist and take your meds and just hang in there and outlast all these delusions and the paranoia. You can get better and live a life.

We all have our schizophrenic symptom crosses to bear that weigh us down. But I’ve survived 40 year of paranoid schizophrenia and I have met and seen and heard many, many other schizophrenics who get better and show improvement.

Schizophrenia changes us but we can still laugh and enjoy certain aspects of life. With schizophrenia it can be “One step up and three steps back” but sometimes we win despite that.

Good luck and welcome to the forums. And just for good measure, "“Welcome to the Machine” (Pink Floyd song from way back. It don’t mean anything it’s just a great song).

Welcome! I get this thought broadcasting stuff too. You’re right, there are many ways of disproving it. I once went through a period where I TRIED to telepathically communicate my credit card number to people. But it didn’t work, thus proving thought broadcasting isn’t real or reliably so. Or it could have been a massive conspiracy was my next thought, but why? No reason ever materialized and I made other conclusions or found alternate possibilities for the voices explanation. Also it turns out nobody has the time, money, or effort necessary to harass someone as much as they did me (and others like you), so it must be an internal thing. But why? Sublimated feelings and thoughts, angels and demons or fairies or aliens, Scientologist, i don’t know. But what I do know is that meds helped me get it under control. Probably from internal issues arising due to an artifact of evolution.

Psydelic drug use? My TB started by it.

Yeah I sometime feel like a star in a hidden camera show:) LOL

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Welcome to the forums, Silexworm! I was initially going to greet you with, “Welcome to the club!” but I don’t want to come across as rude or unwelcome. You are most welcome and free to share what is troubling you. Know that though, we are oriented on recovery, focused on supporting each other and ways we can not only find it easier to live with symptoms, but also improve our lives… or at least really improve our chances of living. :slight_smile:

Truth is, may of us who suffer with a diagnosed mental illness have had delusions or paranoid thoughts of being watched, usually it stems from a delusion of grandeur. The delusion of grandeur sometimes begin when a person feels lonely and unnoticed. Then some of us (note: not all) feel this need to be noticed, a sort of subconscious call for attention. No one wants to feel alone. And then somehow to those who do know us, this feeling of superiority begins, usually when one thinks of that it sounds so negative, but what the feeling projects is this feeling of somehow making more of a difference than those around you, or as if you have something that can save the world, but only you. Then you feel watched and are afraid people are following you. The truth is, if you are doing nothing wrong, you don’t have much to worry about. :slight_smile:

Oh and dun worry, not all of us experience that and some do for a time, in a different order or the same order, the thing is, delusions are based on individual. So… what I mean is… why would people be watching you? Are you the only telepath? Is your telepathy somehow greater?

Truthfully, telepathy has only empirically been proven to exist with the use of an external apparatus. :slight_smile:

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