hi all! 
I just wanted to share with you my inner demons for all this time since I am on the forum. I saw a friend today and I find myself calmer, less paranoid etc etc. I even felt some mood. and I feel less my brain in my head.
I was used to be in some kind of agitated and ‘‘vivid’’ way of living who was here with me in all my illness. in my illness, I was ragy, jealous, hatefull also 
. and for all this time, I wasn’t sure at all about the need of my meds! ive always thought that I need some lift and not the calm of some state… In my illness, I feel my brain in my head and my pdoc said that my med will help this. maybe its a delusion but I was struggling against this. where the truth is that I dont have a clue what is to be normal and that’s where the meds will help me. for some 5 minutes today I felt like myself. I felt my intelligence etc etc…I was also in a state of accepting myself. so maybe I dont need the lift of which ive thought. and ill still have my moments where I’ll think that I dont need those kind of meds but I guess my pdocs are right… I need meds and they can really help me, plus, I need time…
I hope I am on the good way cause it often happens to me to think that pdocs are wrong on my case, wow…
hugs to all
3 Likes
You’ve been making a lot more positive posts lately, so something must be right
Glad you got to feel like yourself today, good news