It’s been exactly 1 calander month since I started again and i’m already hiding them from myself.
They make you feel horrible but they keep you sane.
Granted that living with schizophrenia is difficult. The life circumstances that lead to the development of the disorder within my own life were challenging and continue to be. In the end the stability affords you the ability to rebuild your life in a meaningful way. You have to play the long game in recovery.
I think it’s under recognised how horrible the meds make you feel. If the side effect profile was similar to taking paracetamol everyone would be doing it just to keep their drs happy. It is inevitably a hard pill to swallow exchanging feeling horrible in the now for a future sense of stability and happiness. Staying with the program while being goal directly and hopefully are really the most important things in recovery.
Most people who have been hospitalised don’t feel like they have sense of agency. I would encourage you to be a strong advocate for yourself when having conversations around medication with your treatment team. That doesn’t mean not taking them, that means find the right ones for you or otherwise learning accepting when taking them and trusting in the process.
There is light at the end of the tunnel with medication, stay hopeful!!
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@AmICrazyYet Yeah it is definately challenging to take them. I have not tossed them or anything like I would have in the past. Just thought i’d post here to stay grounded.
I’m gonna start job hunting. My mom is gonna ask around cause she knows people who may be hiring. So if this goes well I will have something to look forward to.
Then I would know for sure I NEED to stay on them or I may lose that oppirtunity.
When you don’t have anything going on it makes you question if you really need them a lot I think cause I feel like a failure.
It’s important to have hobbies or engage in things that you are interested in. When you develop a sense of accomplishment as these task it is grounding. Not eveyone is good at everything but everyone can be good at something. Be careful not to measure yourself against the external standards of the world as what it projected by comsumerism and commonly social media is often not realstic. Try to find a sense of pleasure in enjoying the process doing things that are healthy supportive and that can grow with you in your life journey. Both exercise and creative endeavours are really great.
Don’t place too much stress on yourself and expecations regards work or what society thinks.
I feel having a growth mindset helps, you can read about it online maybe it will resonate with you.
Have structure and routine helps for sure and sometimes it is hard to establish that without any urgency from the external environment. So yeah having a job can help but you don’t want to be doing something too stressful or triggering if you can at all avoid it. Which lets be honest most people can’t really but still the principle remains.
@AmICrazyYet i’m well familiar with exercising and stress management. I feel i’m ready for something more. Plus it’s been stressful with bills and not being able to help much.
But yeah i’m aware not to jump into something too stressful, the jobs we are examining are actually quite doable I think and aren’t too labor intensive. I’m excited. 
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It’s good to be excited! 
I don’t want to add so much to the discussion but I understand that it’s a struggle to take pills every day from personal experience. Yes they creates problems with cognition and they surely cause you to get physical problems. But I have finally got to the acceptance of antipsychotics. One week ago I asked for the finally raise of Qutiapine to 900 mg. I know that it’s a high dose but today the last positives have finally vanished.
Yes it took 30 years to reach the point were I stopped playing around with my pills.
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