Struggling to figure out what to do about a friend

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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I’ve ranted about this before on the board, but here it is. I ran into an old buddy from high school on Facebook. We exchange phone numbers after a while, and it was great fun at first remembering the good old days, laughing about our ■■■■ ups, do you remember so-n-so that kind of thing

But then it started getting weird. He was sending me between 35 and 50 texts every morning, and it wasn’t even 6 am. It got annoying, really fast.

I finally had to say something to him about it, basically said ■■■■ off of the text bombing. Invoked for a few days, then I heard from him and we kind of picked up from there. But I really don’t want to talk to the guy everyday, I don’t even talk to my own sister every day.

So I started putting some space between us, not answering his texts for a few days that’s where the thing hoping he would mellow the fuk out. But he kept text bombing me, sending me 15 or 20 messages while I’m on the phone. I can’t count how many times that happened, as well as interrupting what I’m listening to music, reading… He’s even woken me up a few times at 2 in the morning because he was bored. Are you ■■■■■■■ kidding me?

The guy texts like a twelve-year-old on crack.

So the other day, he interrupted yet another one of my phone calls, and when I was done I texted him again. I said, why do you keep doing what I told you not to do, and you know ■■■■■■■ well it pisses me off? He sent me back a text a couple of hours later, but I haven’t read it yet. I know he’s either going to mope, or say something to piss me off, and I just don’t want to deal with it right now.

I know the guy is going through a lot of ■■■■ right now, but I’m not his mother or his therapist. I wouldn’t mind chatting with him once in a while, but not all the time. I wonder if it’s already ruined Beyond repair

Sorry for such a long rant, but I just had to spit that out. What would you do in my situation?

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I think you’re perfectly in the right. He overstepped his bounds and you assertively handled it. It’s too bad the relationship turned out the way it did but he has only to blame himself.

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I would just not respond to his texts when you don’t feel like it. If you don’t respond, sooner or later he would get the message I think.

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What kind of stuff is he going through right now? If you feel like sharing…

30 texts is a lot either way… but depending on what was going on with him I might feel bad for the guy… I can totally understand your point of view though. I’ve been in a dark place before and wished I had someone I could talk to all the time… but I never sent 30 texts to someone before! lol

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I understand what you’re saying @TheFallenSun . He’s off work with a broken leg, his mom is developing dementia and now he has decided to split his apartment with a guy he met in NA. But apparently the guy has started using drugs again, so I know that will be a misery for him. He has five cats, and the youngest one got sick and he had to put her down. I know that hurts, from personal experience

When he was sending me the 30 or 40 text a day, there was nothing going on. He just happened to be off work. He would also text me at 2 in the morning, sending me 20 texts in a row and waking me up on several occasions. Again, there was nothing going on at the time, he was just bored. To my mind, he has the mentality of a 12 year old child. He has absolutely zero consideration for other people

I guess that’s why I’m ranting, I need to get it off my chest so I can weigh the situation more clearly

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You could always block him if he refuses to mellow out @Cragger.

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Any advice? I don’t mind him leaning on me a bit, but he has to have respect.

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If he doesn’t get it this time, I’m definitely going to block him. It’s not like I’m being vague with him, I get right to the point

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I mean do you think maybe he could have been on drugs when he was texting you? Idk, maybe people on drugs don’t text/it would be incoherent…

But either way… that’s super weird he’s contacting you in the middle of the night! That’s very inconsiderate and pretty odd

Idk, it all depends if you wanna completely cut off ties with the guy🤷‍♀️ It’s all up to you!

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What complicates it, is that I know he’s struggling right now. I don’t know why, but I was just born to be a counsellor LOL. People tell me their whole life story, and I don’t even know them.

I’m the youngest in the family, but my older sister comes to me for a sanity break and a shoulder to lean onall the time. I just walked with a friend through two and a half years of suicidal ideation after his mother father and brother died. I know he was ruined, and it nearly killed me too, but I couldn’t leave him hanging.

I realize more and more clearly, the need for Clear boundaries with people. Just not my area of strength

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If it were me, I’d tell him I don’t have the capacity to be depended on to the extent he needs, and it’s putting a strain on the friendship. If he still doesn’t get it, I’d ghost him and only respond when I had the energy for him. You can only give so much to people. If he can’t respect that, that’s his problem, not yours.

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Listen to @fractaled

Sounds like solid advice

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Thanks @fractaled . That’s perfect

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yea that is great advice @fractaled

i would tell him also that it’s too much… gotta be clear with people like that probably.
that many texts would annoy the hell out of me.

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This would stress the f out of me. I can’t handle stuff like this. Hope things work out.

For me no one’s been that persistent but I don’t even answer random text from family. They get used to me being not available I think.

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I would tell him, he’s overstepping your boundaries.
Like fractled said, you can’t be depended on to that extent.

If he can’t get that point, maybe it’s best not too have him/her in your life.

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Thanks guys, it has been stressing me out for sure. Thanks for the good advice, it gives me a lot to go on how to deal with this guy

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I hate to say this but can you block him?
He’s not getting it.

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I’m going to be blocking him permanently, if this doesn’t work.

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Some people are thick and need it spelled out.
Tell him straight up that sending several texts in a row when you’re not responding is stressing you out, and that he needs to respect that you have others things to do than respond to his whims

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