I hope you don’t get the wrong idea from me. I am loving, and I give everyone a chance, especially those who bully/harass me. I always try to show kindness, or switch the situation with a joke. I truly don’t have anything against people.
But when I’m sick (lack of sleep or mental illnesses getting worse), I have two brains. My angry one takes control, and I’m blinded. I will say blunt or rude things online, on my own page and taking lengths not to mention who bothered me so others don’t attack. I feel conflicted, because in this world, if you say anything that is not with the common opinion, you are attacked. And sometimes, that anger comes out and I don’t mean it. I will go onto posts with different opinions than me (usually spreading hate of some sort, or ignorance that spreads a hateful conflict in the comments), and do something to get people to attack me. Like, “80% of women are raped on the border of Mexico by illegal immigrants”, on an anti-trump wall post. (I personally think Trump and Hillary are not good presidents, but I hate misinformation.) I always regret these actions, of course. Because what’s the point of wallowing in this negativity?
My mind craves it. I will also do things so that people will hate me and it feels good. I will hurt myself or rip off my skin because I deserve it. Because I am not a good person when I’m like this.
I just have so much pent up anger and frustration always seeing hateful movements about certain groups of people, and what upsets me is that it’s widely accepted, because people are so ignorant to the truth. It’s like we want to project our hate in the name of justice or equality.
How do I get rid of this anger? I’m trying to accept the fact that people are hateful, and I can’t change them. But it’s so upsetting that I have to feel scared to say my opinion or make a joke. And then if I do, I’m treated like I’m a heinous person. What’s wrong with me? Why do I have so much hate. It’s not like myself, why do I get like this?