I’m getting waves of it. Just wanting to die. Wanting this to be all over. I keep teetering between being sad and thinking they would all be better off without me and getting angry and thinking they don’t deserve me. Waves and waves of terrible thoughts. And I feel like I’m in a little boat being tossed around. I just start crying. Then it goes away.
I hope you’ll get better. I once tried to commit suicide many years ago, I am glad I survived, there is some light in the end of the tunnel, I understand how you feel. Just have more courage to live.
2 Likes
You sound depressed and your mind is playing tricks on you. Everyone around you loves you and want to see you healthy.
Talk to your doctor. This is only temporary. You’ll pull through this.
4 Likes
Love u aunt @Leaf … get well soon…!!!
2 Likes
You bring a lot of love to this forum. @Leaf
3 Likes
I would be terribly sad if you were gone, @Leaf, you’ve been so kind to me and a great support.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if those feelings don’t go away. It doesn’t have to be like this, and there’s no shame in getting help.
1 Like
I once told my pdoc that if I went running to him every time I felt suicidal I never would leave the hospital. I’m starting to think maybe I should be willing to ask for more help. You might think about doing that too. My brother once told me about this guy who was trying to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. My brother said the second the guy cleared the guard rail he realized he could solve every problem in his life, except for the one he had just created for himself by jumping off the bridge. I’m thinking maybe I can out last my problems. There are always ways to get out of bad situations. You can too.
4 Likes
I feel so worthless
I can assured you, it’s just a feeling. You are anything but worthless.
You mean a lot to me and a lot of people here 
1 Like
I feel like I weigh a thousands pounds and can barely move, even typin is hard and moving my eyes is hard, Im so tired but I just woke up 2 hours ago, should I take a nap already
I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad right now @Leaf. Did something specific happen to cause these feelings? I can’t remember, but are you currently on antidepressants?
1 Like
Hang in there @Leaf.
Make sure you discuss your situation with your doctor.
1 Like
yea my td was progressing so we discontinued rexulti as we suspected it the culprit, I must be having a reaction to stopping it. Yesterday my pdoc said that rexulti has an effect of bolstering the effectiveness of the ads and sometimes when you stop taking it you notice the need to increase the ad. So that’s what she did, increased my Zoloft to 200mgs starting last night. I’m now waiting for it to work. I see the pdoc again on Tuesday to assess my need for further adjustment/hospitalization. If I get any worse they told me they are ready to meet me at the hospital for transfer to a mental health facility. I’m doing everything I know to do, the entire safety plan-there is no plan for the unbearable pain I feel knowing I could die and it wouldn’t make a difference at all.
@Leaf you are always there for me. You’ve helped a lot. You’re great. Just can’t tell you enough.
2 Likes
Hang in there. I’m sure your med increase will start working soon. I’m glad you’re here talking about it. You’re life is priceless. You’re a work of art. Hang in there.
1 Like
Mental illness too often sucks.
Jayster
1 Like
I wish I could offer help, I hate seeing you suffer like this; just know you are loved.
1 Like
I’m dissociating now. It’s making things much easier. I’m just checked out waiting on the sun.
Is it hot where you’re at @Leaf ? It’s super hot here in the SF Bay Area and it’s going to be even hotter tomorrow. For some reason, hot weather makes my depression and anxiety worse. Does the weather affect your mood?
This is how I feel daily. If I was ever remotely honest with a pdoc or my family I’d be institutionalized for sure and probably never get out.
1 Like