It seems like I will always have them, never fully shake them, regardless of meds.
These thoughts first became a real problem for me when I was 15 yrs old (1994).
In the 25 years since then I have gotten only a couple breaks from them. From 2001-2002 I was feeling pretty good, though hypomanic, started cycling out of control in late 2002 through the first half of 2003. I got a nice break 2005 to early 2008, when I was healthy and life was just plain good.
I’m not so confident that I’ll ever get another break from this.
I have thoughts of suicide most of the time. I’m not suicidal but I think about it since my head won’t be quiet. I hope yours go away and you find peace.
I have a lot of suicidal thoughts. SSRIs have never worked for but I’ve gotten better at taking a step back and noting when I’m depressed. That has helped me to ride them out.
I’ve learned that sometimes this illness is a big waiting game. But I feel you when you say that it’s nice to get breaks. When you get them take full advantage of them.