So I was just in the bathroom smoking a cigarette…and I’m thinking about my life. I’m 33 years old, I’ve been unemployed and technically disabled for the majority of my “adult” life (18 on) I spend the majority of my time alone. My life has no purpose whatsoever. I haven’t managed even a spark of a relationship in what? 5 years? I’m awkward, social phobic and every day is like I’m still stuck being me yet there’s a new me everyday. For I have no idea who I am.
My current pdoc asked me on our first appointment “how has the mental health system failed you?” And all I could get out for a reply didn’t exactly describe it. I don’t know…it’s like I can’t be a socially isolated, awkward drunk loser who’s played the same video game for the past three years because I used to be an awesome person. I was…yet everyone who knew me as that awesome person is sort of my age now and have moved on with their lives and probably just gave up on me like ten years ago.
Just griping I guess, or being brutally honest with myself on the internet as for whatever reason I can’t write for beans when there’s no one reading it which for all I know there isn’t in this case anyway.
I would say that sz works us over something good and putting a life back in order after that tornado is time consuming and tedious. Just don’t give up. That is life’s one rule. One foot in front of the other.
I feel your pain. I used to be considered a “funny guy” cracking jokes all the time and loving life…then schizophrenia. Unlike you, I had until I was 35 before I got sick so I got to live life unharmed by the disease longer but believe it or not I believe that makes it even more painful because I have more happier memories than my current existence. I live my life even though it doesn’t offer much happiness anymore. I have been depressed so long that I think I’m happy if that makes sense. I wish for you a happier life. Perhaps getting yourself a bouquet of flowers for your house? A walk outside cheers me up. Maybe you could even do yoga or exercise? Good luck.
I reminisce a lot too it helps in some ways but hurts in others. I also have the same problem with being alone. I just try to get out and never become bitter just keep and open mind to the world around u and something might come up
I have a ton of good memories as well despite falling off the face of the earth at such a young age and not all of them are from before. It’s just looking back on them all isn’t always a happy experience despite the good times looked back on you know?
In my own experience, I met a great man that was the head facilitator of a support group for the mentally ill that I was in for two years. He’d been through the ringer with his illness, but he always stressed not dwelling on the past. He may not have had the luxury of nostalgia, but I think he had a valid stance. Especially since right now everyone is awash in nostalgia, and part of the reason for that is it seems like we’re living in a world that’s on the edge. Another reason seems to be is that there seems to be an epidemic of cynicism, and film critics seem to be some of the worst. I’m listening to the new Coldplay album right now, an album that has gotten mixed reviews, but I like it. We have to face life head on, whilst trying not to take ourselves too seriously. We can’t stay stuck in a loop of memories, good or bad. Hope this helps.
I spend a lot of time alone too. To some extent I prefer solitude. I live at an assisted living center for the mentally ill, and I have a certain amount of forced socialization, which is probably for the best. I’m 57, and I have largely made my peace with the letdowns and failures in my life. I had a disabling disease. It’s hard to work if you think people are trying to get you to kill yourself. Now, I make the best of whatever life I do have.