This job would basically be setting up big event tents at various locations in nearby cities. I keep going back and forth between one plan and another, when it comes to what to do with my life at this point. For a while I thought all I could do was just live on disability and wait to get a subsidized apartment, but then I went on effexor and found that just waiting idly was not something I could do anymore. I’ve tried a couple of jobs since then - the first one was part-time, and I only quit because I got paranoid about my job security and got the second job, and the second job was full-time, but I had to get up extremely early because my license had not been reinstated yet and I had to take the bus to work, plus I started at 6am… and I burned out after a short time.
I’ve switched medications since then, and I don’t feel like I’m being strained all the time, plus I can leave for work later and get there on time because I can drive again, plus I start at 7am instead of 6am… so I’m just hoping these differences make this attempt work for me.
Every time I try to make a plan that would be “smarter” in the long run - usually involving post-secondary education - I find myself unable to resist looking at job postings and applying to lower-paying jobs that don’t require post-secondary education. It could be that there isn’t any subject that captures my interest enough for me to want to spend so much time and money to learn it. I don’t seem to want to learn something that I don’t care about just to earn more money.
I’m not always good at interpreting my own feelings, but I feel aware at the moment that I must want to be working more than I want to be studying, and that I’d probably prefer getting a diploma part-time online in the future and fitting it in around my work schedule. Otherwise why would I keep doing this? So I guess I just want to put my thoughts in writing and post them, so that I don’t second-guess myself, and that I remember that I’ve figured out the type of motivation I have right now.
