Stressing over current and new potential job

I’ve been off since I started missing work because my car broke down. I missed a lot of work, missed out on a lot of my paycheck, and have struggled with stress about money and work ever since. Now, my car works but my mood is still sleep round the clock and desperate urge not to go to work. It’s ironic, now that I can make money to solve my main problem, I can’t get the anxiety to leave long enough to get ready and go to work. I end up backing out. Today it was allergies (which I really do have, so there’s that excuse) but last week it was a fake excuse that i was super sick when i was manageable sick.

I feel scared of the outside now that I have my own safe, warm apartment with cat. The work I do is stressful, but it’s meaningful and I want to continue. It’s just the pay is barely above minimum wage and the work is challenging and required background check…(I work with the members of the public face to face). I feel underpaid and used.

I got a job interview elsewhere teaching and that’s well above minimum wage, but I don’t know how comfortable i am commuting every day. Someone said to move out there, but I am on a lease until November and also it was super hard finding someone to take me with such low credit, what are the chances that i can make it happen again over there?
Then again, what are the chances that i’ll actually land such a good job? It would be awesome, i can do what I feel passionate about and move somewhere new, but what are the odds? I decided not to tell them about my disability and I got an email requesting a call back to schedule an interview. I left a voice mail. We’ll see if they bother to return my voicemail.

Sorry for blabbing, I’ve been low lately. Hiding out in my apartment.

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Are you in therapy? Helps to have a sounding block on stuff like this.

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No, I’m not, but that sounds like a good idea right now. I had bad experiences with therapists, but I’m at a new low and I am open to trying someone that I started doing therapy with before but had to stop because of work scheduling conflicts.
My last long-term, main therapist broke my trust, but there was another therapist I saw after my pdoc found out that my main therapist hadn’t been returning my calls in like half a year. My pdoc referred me to his private practice that accepted medi-cal and that second therapist seemed friendly and understanding.

That guy who I barely saw did seem nice and empathetic. Plus, he works very close to me! I think I will look up the guy out in the community again! Thank you. :slight_smile:

I don’t mean this to sound as harsh as it probably will, but you gotta go back to work.
There’s a stat that says if you take 21 days off work in a row, your chances of returning to work are significantly reduced. I don’t remember the exact percentage sorry.

I work in worker’s comp. So i deal with the outcome of not returning to work everyday.

Work is really good for your mental health. It gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. You interact with people. Good work is good for you.

Go for the teaching job. You’d kick much ass at it.


Been kind of nervous about getting fired, too…you offer good advice, turtle!

Okay, I’ll just go to work tomorrow, rain or coughing fit! I’ll just get cough drops.

Yea, it would look really bad if I got fired. No matter how low paying it is, it’s on my record. I get stuck in this i-fear-work cycle when i get depressed, I have to look past the immediate depression and into the permanent effects getting fired would have. and just go.
Thank you :smiley:


Yes, I get that fear of going to work thing too. Don’t know why because I’m usually ok when I’m there.

Plus I like making my own money for spending and such.

Sounds like good opportunities are around the corner. Hang in there.


When I was out of work for a while, I had trouble returning, also. I made excuses and kept calling in. But eventually, I just had to force myself to go. And I kept forcing myself, no matter how much I hated it, until it became easier. It will get easier again. Like @anon84763962 said, it is good for your mental health and it gives you a sense of purpose.

I understand feeling underpaid and used. Most human service jobs are like that. When I was working in ABA, I was barely making $12/hr and I was spending every minute of the day in danger of serious injury. I ended up just becoming a cashier, where I made about the same and nobody ever tried to hit me. So, keep looking for better jobs, but don’t neglect the one you have in the meantime. You will need a good reference on your record.

On another note, if you already have low credit, do not break your lease early. That can destroy your chances of ever getting an apartment again. How far would he commute be?


1 hour of a commute drive. I didn’t know that about breaking lease early, so thanks for letting me know!

Ah, you too worked in ABA? Me, too! It’s sad how much we risk and how little they pay us…and we’re the ones there with the actual patients! All the supervisors rely on our patient notes as their main source of info, yet we’re paid like fast food workers. :confused:

I will go today!


I WENT TO WORK! I coughed and coughed, but had cough drops and an energy drink to keep me there!
It was rewarding, as usual, it’s just that “get my butt to work” part that is difficult.I have to go from “Pajama Mode” to “High Performance Worker Mode” and that’s always a struggle, lol
Thanks everyone for the advice!
Tomorrow I plan on making sure I go from now on

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Takes awhile to build trust and undo all the nots it’s really complicated and very hard work but really helps.

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I think its great that so many of u can work. I cant handle the stress or dealing with people at all. My paranoia alawys gets the best of me. I am 39 and have never lasted more than a year at any job i have ever had and i have had a lot of jobs. I dont think i will ever work again. I have been on disability now for about 6 years and just dont see myself ever returning to work and it sucks because even though i have paranoid schizophrenia i feel like a bum for not working. I think it really does a number on your self esteem to feel like you are not contributing

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society man they tell us we’re not worth anything if we can’t pay for our own houses. ugh. You’re not alone, I spent a good decade not working at all because I was sick and also various reasons like my paranoia was high and employers can spot someone “unusual” during the interview.

It really upset me that society makes us base our value on whether we can work. It’s just not fair