It seems everyone made it and are successful. I’m still stuck in limbo land.
I hate it when I do this to myself.
I was happy when I was studying. I thought I had a future.
There is a lot of shame involved. I am nothing, I do nothing and I can’t do nothing.
How have they “made it” ?
Are they married with kids?
Would that make you happy or are you happier single and child free?
Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea. 
I was in a gifted class in middle school. Googling my classmates shows that I wound up with the smallest gifts. But… I doubt any of them could have done as well as I have if they had had to drag the same boat anchor through life, so there’s that.
Comparison is the theif of joy.
Don’t put yourself through it man, there’s nothing to be ashamed of because your actions didn’t cause sz. Sz is genetic for the most part imo
They have careers, wives, children etc. One of them is famous because he’s good at what he does.
You are right about that. Life for us is a struggle.
But looking at my life, I feel like a total loser.
I don’t know? I was bullied, had trauma and went through a lot of stress for years before I was prodromal. I also used stimulants and weed. I also was on a strict low calorie diet and exercised like a maniac.
If I had avoided that. I wouldn’t have become psychotic. It was like a chain of events that lead up to the point where my brain couldn’t handle it anymore.
Honestly. If i was asked. I wouldnt say those things caused it at all. They just made it happen earlier rather than later imo. Don’t be so hard on yourself tbh
Perhaps!
I’ll try not to be so hard on myself. I just feel stuck. I can’t do much really. The voices and my cracked brain bothers me a lot. It’s an ongoing struggle. A full time job really.
I just wish there was something I could do. To get going with my life.
You know, I thought that was a good idea. Then I looked up my friend. Butts . And found out. After childhood. He had 2 kids. With one wife. 4 kids with the second wife. 3 kids with the third wife. And was currently being looked for for lack of child support.
Thats not a good idea googling your old mates - cos all you do is compare yourself to them, and set yourself up for a fall.
And i put money on the fact - that they are probably embellishing the truth anyway on Social Media.
@Speedy ,I did the same (googling) few months back.
All my friends did better than me,even my father called me one evening,to ask if thats my former girlfriend on tv…
I said she’s often on tv,but last time we met on the street,she would pass me by if I didn’t call her,and we used to live four years together …
You aren’t the only one.
We all go through same,as we are having plegue…
Don’t beat your self up,you should be proud of yourself and who you become…
Sometimes I think of flushing my pills down the toilette and let myself go crazy. Being locked up would let me forget about the outside world. Even being deluded would make me think of other things than self-actualization.
I’m sorry guys. I guess I’m depressed today. I slept poorly. That’s probably it.
In the same boat…
Now I googled my old bullies! They all made it. I guess I’m a loser.
I don’t know if I hate them more than I hate myself. It’s a relationship of past trauma I guess.
ive only googled one old friend, she is married with kids…but also super morbidly obese and idk if she works. i really dont care what other people are doing. ive gotten to the point i dont care what im doing. idc what my life ends up like. i jsut gotta make it approx 6 more years then idc what happens.
You’re comparing your inside to their outside. Who knows if they are truly happy?
I wouldn’t go comparing myself.
I don’t feel easily jealous, so maybe that’s a blessing.
Have you been up all night again @Speedy ?
Yes, and I keep waking up with difficulties to breathe. My cpap isn’t helping either. It feels like I’m choking when I keep waking up.