Sometimes the guilt is too much

I’ve come a long way in my recovery. I’ve been able to see in hindsight just how delusional my actions and thoughts were. It’s a scary moment to realize how many times I should have been hospitalized but was not. After getting on a medication schedule that is highly effective, I am not able to recognize the person who drug others down with delusions, covered up once those delusional broke out of embarrassment and ultimately wreaked a lot of havoc in my own life and others close to me. Going through CBT has been life saving. There are still times that I sit here and feel like the worst person in the world for allowing my mental illness to get so out of hand years ago. I stopped taking any medications once I turned 18. I was tired of the horrible side effects from my teenage years. This led to a twelve year period of unacceptable behavior, delusion and sadness. I’m just wondering if anyone else can’t shake that nagging guilt feeling of causing so much pain and stress for family while unmedicated.


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