Sometimes i wonder

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what if i dont have sz. my original diagnosis was brief psychotic disorder and i wonder if i am still on meds because my pdoc never weaned me off them due to being a bad doc. like if the original diagnosis is correct i shouldnt be on meds 7 years later. also my symptoms even before meds were much more manageable than most people with sz, before meds i wasnt hospitalized, psychosis was triggered by weed but voices volume was decreased once i quit wee but i personally seeked help as i wanted my peace of mind back and having voices 24/7 prevented that d. also despite hearing voices and being in mental distress i could hide it very well and never got in trouble or anybody think i was acting erratically. in my mind i admit i was overwhelmed with symptoms and thought of doing many crazy bad things but maybe the fact i had insight to delusions and was able to control myself means i have a lesser condition than sz?

im not stopping meds as it never went well but i often think about my situation and wonder if things could be different if i was weaned off when my symptoms improved from treatment

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My original diagnosis was brief psychotic disorder too and when I quit meds, my Dr said I will get worse and it might change to full schizophrenia, thats what happened. Before that I only got psychotic when smoking weed. At first I didn’t go to mental hospital for schizophrenia but for depression and suicidal behavior but my pdoc found I have psychosis. I was originally on 10mg Abilify and I was doing well. Now I am on 6mg risperidone which is equivalent to 46mg Abilify! Even my negative and cognitive symptoms were much less before stopping meds.

I still don’t know if I damaged my brain by going off meds for over 2 years or if its just the sz getting worse.

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i feel like for as long as ive been on meds even if i was cured of sz itd still cause suffering to stop them

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