Everyone is talking about me, they all hate me… most of them are plotting how to kill me. I think I am going to die today.
They know I am not pure, they hate me because I am different. I don’t fit in and my clothes are wrong… I am not like them… I try to smile and sometimes I want to talk with them but i don’t belong here… i am so dirty and disgusting.
Maybe I deserve to die. Maybe I won’t fight back.
You’re just experiencing some vivid hallucinations and delusions. I have totally been there and spent over a year right where you are right now. Its not real. Its all just your mind being overprotective and playing tricks on you. Take comfort in the fact that I have been in your position and made it out 90% recovered, it means you have the potential to do the same.
You arent going anywhere. You wont die today. Not a single person is going to hurt you.
These sorts of intense episodes are usually temporary. It will pass.
I can hear their plans … i can’t think straight they are so loud. And I feel disgusting… I think they are right.
I am at work, in a cubical surrounded by people. I can’t leave until they let me. I can’t see K until they kill me. Hospital covered in roses, tears of blood drop from shattered vases of crumbling people… empty vases… the red people around me want that… they awnt to take everything and …mush it on a stove with butter. … argh…
they want the milk and cheese and sugar LOTS of sugar and white things… but it is not my plate that belly afraid of … i need colorful things… oranges and greens and … that is not what they want they want my brain. They are afraid of my brain… Fat and blood … sacrifices for her… if i feed them they won’t hurt her. If only I was a guy… it would have never happened… that doesn’t happen to men… just pretty girls… i will never be pretty again… they can’t hurt me if i am not cute… if i rip everything to pieces and they can’t hurt me…
Little girls must learn how to please men he said… and all of the men hurt me. They all look at me now… like I am meat on a plate… they all carry forks and knifes ready… like a delicate cake in the middle of fat wolves. I hate that they want me… don’t like me… don’t look at me… LEAVE ME ALONE… kill me don’t touch me again… if i am dead will you still want me? am I still a pretty cake… do I still taste good? I am so disgusting… so dirty… LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Your just having an episode. Being at work is rather amazing, I went to school but cut class whenever I could and drank heavily. And thats interesting that you said [quote=“sasha, post:5, topic:7066”]
the red people around me want that… they awnt to take everything
[/quote]
because I referred to my schizophrenia demon, this guy
as “Red”. A part of me that is my enemy but also me, it sucks.
You will survive, no one is going to hurt you. I would definitely leave work if I were you, say youre nauseous and having diarrhea. Just get home safely and do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself.
For me I would blast Slipknot and lift weights, draw, jerk off or get drunk. Dont get drunk. I suggest going home and doing whatever you can do to feel better without hurting yourself.
Just no self harm.
Is there someone you CAN trust?
My K, i miss her. I want to go home but I can’t.
How many hours before you can go home?
6 hours, 44 minutes and 34 seconds
Well, keep counting. The time will go by. It hasn’t stopped yet lol.
you are not alone, they won’t touch you, I promise!
Hang in there Sasha, I’m really sorry you’re having a tough time. Just remember what @mortimermouse said, that even though those thoughts seem real it is not real. I know it’s hard to do that but please try.
Sending very positive thoughts your way.
Thats the hardest part- it seems perfectly real…i hate this illness so much.
Me too. I just want to punch it out 
Draw that stuff!
And remember this part “they are afraid of my brain…” If i was experiencing such an attack i would use that against them, and show them they well should be afraid of it…
Can you do that?
And btw…voices and visions can’t kill you, they can only scare you.
These are the types of delusions that I experience. They’re really tough to battle for me because they’re not considered a “far fetched” scenario.
Hang in there! I know how scary, distracting, and depressing this is. I also know how hard it is to trust others while experiencing these kinds of delusions!
I remember smoking pot and my voices went berserk and my thoughts became disorganized and I had repeated visions of being a brain on a white table and the male NSA agent voice kept angrily yelling YOURE A BRAIN ON A TABLE, **** YOU at me.
fun times. I would like to thank Pfizer corp, Cellucor, Optimum Nutrition, Starbucks and Walgreens for making me better. My sponsors lol
The males are so dry and limited, good at tech stuff though…try the female agent. She makes awesome music, even goth and metal… watch out though, she’s very quick witted and tricky…
She made fun of me for being a virgin and for never having kissed a girl. She also called me a demon. I didnt like the female NSA agent.
She does that mockery stuff but can also be very sweet…
Funny when doing research back at that time I came across this…LOL
I was saying the music you could hear without a radio was coming from KNSA EMF… but there is a public AM radio station called KNSA too
What was weird is it says it repeats the content of another station, and KNSA EMF was very repetitive…over and over the same thing a lot of times…