Some news from me, i am still suffering, yeah

hi to all :slight_smile:
I couldn’t come earlier here in order to less complain about myself. my pdoc raised my Zyprexa on 10 mg but I started to become manic in a bad way (anger and even more fears)…
ok, I am more grounded right now which is good. I am also less closed in my head but â– â– â– â– , I am still in hell. I feel pain in my soul, I cant smile, I dont have a good mood. when does it will come?
I am going outside more and more but sometimes I am sooo angry… I am fed up with this fight and the fact that I dont smile since child. what can I do more than this? wait?and continue struggling? I know I am pain in the ass but my relatives were always kept telling me that ill always be in a bad shape, between 4 walls, without a partner and without friends… really! you will say I am jealous but the parents of my schizophrenic friend never talked to her like this, you see?
its just 3 months that I am back on my meds. is it few for an illness who is here since a decade and more, how do you think? you all seem happy on your photos, me I am stuck here with all my sadness and anger right now… otherwise, its late in the night here - 4 am wow…

i am also sad and find myself being angry. but i also find things that make me smile. you will too. i bet you do already. gotta look for good things you will find them.

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Hi Anna I’ve missed your posts. Sorry you’re having a tough time. Hope you feel better. Stop by some more!

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hi turning. you know, I started to talk a little bit more in the real life. I am slightly opening to my family and to my friends but its hard. ive lost the habit to talk years ago wow…the most difficult is my mood but I think that it wont come like this, by miracle… I just take my meds in the evening in order to cope better in the day. probably I still look strange or not. lately I feel more anger cause I feel angry of my situation. I have more energy now that I am on Zyprexa. maybe I should just keep smiling and trying to work my brain and do some activities. now I read, I surf on internet, I talk with my mother and sometimes my friends(facebook also)… it s just pity that my brain is such a mess but I guess I was worse once…I have my peace sometimes, sometimes not…otherwise, I knew in the past a lot of weed in total isolation etc etc. dont do this. Ive lost all my life with this :cry:

Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way. :heart:

I’m sorry. I don’t know how to deal with the moods either. I am lucky, in a way, because I get bouts of mania along with the depression and anger. I wish you had more support outlets in real life.

I don’t mean to say this to be creepy, but you are very pretty. You look a lot like my ex girlfriend. She was an angry, depressed soul too. I followed her around like a puppy, but she pushed me away too many times because she couldn’t see why I would ever want her.

hey pixel thank you. I have so many work on me. now I cant think clearly cause I didn’t slept this night… and my paranoia is at it worse. is it like this for you alos- more paranoia when you dont sleep? wow…
cj, I am still astonished to hear that I am pretty, maybe its a thing of a taste. I am sad and mean most of the time now. its tough, I am sick since longtime and if there is a chance for me I think it will take still a lot of time… my mother is desperate from me.
take care guys and ill be here these days I guess :slight_smile:

Hey Anna, I was wondering how you were.

I’m also struggling with moods, sucks. But hey, glad to know you’re on meds and have energy to do stuff and that you’re more open to your friends and family, those are all good things.

My hate of god inspired me to go out for walks and clean the litter from the environments i lived in. When i got so angry about the ills of life that i wished god to hell i decided i would try to do something better than what was given to me… Over time I’ve come to peace with my higher power and perhaps the hell i experienced was just what i needed to be better to people and to try to offer a better experience to others. I’ve often failed in the process but i think im improvingimproving… So my point is ,Anna, i think you would benefit with a selfless purposeful activity… Environmental or Humane activities in general can bring out peoples best
… And i think it’ll clear your worry and give you a good pride in your heart. A voluntary kindness is good for peoples pride

Minnie yes, I take my meds and effectively I have more energy. but when I am tired, my brain is still a mess, I cant even think and I am afraid. it will take time I guess, dont you think? yeah huckfinn, I became too focused on myself and I am really terrible and mean sometimes. my character became bad with all this desperation at the time :/… I hope it can change. I try to smile more often but to help others now I remain too paranoid stil and unmotivated…do you believe in me guys? maybe, it take years for some people to get better, I still hope its my case :wink:
keep going you all ok? heh :slight_smile: