Socializing did not go well. My life is not full or busy

I feel very low. I just got done socializing and it didn’t go well.

I had nothing to say because my mind is a complete blank void. When I did speak it was a struggle and I said very little. Everyone else there has busy and full lives with kids and houses and they work (I am on disability payments) and they have pets and they have active minds (I am very very stupid) and so on

I have not had a busy and full life like they have had. I have been too ill. And I will never have anything in the future either.

I am supposed to do a totally different social event tomorrow but I feel like giving up on socializing and just stop killing myself trying to appear/act as if I weren’t severely disabled with sz and other illnesses. I feel like giving up altogether on life.

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I hear this all loud and clear. But you do have an opinion on life. You do have experiences. And you do matter.

Dont force socializing if it’s not correct right now. And never lose hope. You may be able to add more to life

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Maybe they enjoyed your company even if you said very little

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Maybe you can find a support group for mentally ill people. That way you’ll be with peers who understand.

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It’s pretty boring talking about jobs and buying a house anyway.

There must be a subject you find close to your heart that you can manipulate a conversation towards in future.

A book, an author, a subject other than ‘the capitalist dream’ shallow talk. Anything…

What interests you? and start there…

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I have poverty of thoughts too, all i talk about is video games and weather lol i think its bcz i dont a family or kids and a job, i recently installed a news app i think i will talk about the news i read lol

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You do not sound stupid at all.

Not everyone needs their friends to be socially smooth. Maybe they like you as you are. You are worthwhile.

If you feel they are judgemental…seek out an environment that is forgiving.

I got into socialising with mentally ill friends. I feel safer with them. And slowly opened up. So I second the peer support place. There are places that don’t judge.

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I feel the opposite

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Really? Do you feel safer with non-mentally-ill people? Or do you mean you feel safer alone?

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Yes, i am scared mentally ill people go off their meds and go crazy, unstable relationship

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Ah. I understand.

My mentally ill friends are humble, sensitive, honest, open minded. Without a mask. I can be myself with them. I don’t fear their crazy.

Many “normal” people I know mask and manipulate. That frightens me. And however kind they pretend to be…they never see me as equal, because of psychosis.

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Also, it is easier to talk with people who had a life altering experience. They understand.