Socialising- why?

[firemonkey]

Does anyone not have much drive and interest in socialising ie you make little effort to do so? The truth is most of the time you are content with your own company.
You’ll socialise if you have but you won’t go out of your way to get in that situation in the first place.

Do you see it as part of your character or something that varies dependant on how symptomatic you are?

I have mentioned about socialising to the social worker but it’s less through being ultra keen to socialise more than because I know this is the kind of thing they want their clients to do . Truth is I am not sure I could commit myself to socialising on a Monday and Thursday week in week out, for example, when the desire/need to socialise would be much less frequent.

Then there is interacting when you get there. Not knowing how and when to introduce yourself to someone and engage in conversation. Being like someone stuck in the corner of a room at a party.

[Coldcomfort]

I see my lack of desire to socialize as an acquired trait. I used to be desperate for social contact when I was younger, but for whatever reason, maybe just attrition of being alone with only family for occasional company, maybe being treated poorly by peers, I’ve lost most of my desire to be with other people.

I find it’s easier to socialize if I’m pushing myself to make an effort. Attitude can make a huge difference in the way peoplle treat you, if you make an effort to show interest in other people, they will treat you better. It takes a lot of energy out of me, not to say that I don’t like people, but it’s draining for me to be social.

[Pikasaur]

I know what you mean.
I like my me-time, but I often get lonely too. I like socializing, but socializing the “right” way is hard and requires a lot of energy from me. People used to get really offended by me because they felt like I didn’t show any interest in them or what they had to say, when in reality, I just didn’t know how.

It’s still a work in progress, but I feel like I’m getting better and better at things like eyecontact and active listening. But, it’s still draining. There are so many unspoken rules to remember, and what’s okay with one person is considered rude or offensive by another. It’s hard to remember sometimes, what goes when.

Trying to remember the “proper” way to act and maintaining an approachable attitude is very draining on my energy, and when I’m low on energy, I often come off as un-interested or have a “resting bitch-face”.

@firemonkey to answer your questions, I do feel like the more symptomatic I am, the harder it is for me to socialize. The worse I feel, the more I withdraw. And being symptomatic makes me have less exess energy for socializing.

[firemonkey]

@Berru

There are so many unspoken rules to remember,

The unspoken rules! EEk!!

[gene]

My friendship skills suck. I’ll go out on a limb and say most with sz are introverts (or have become innies due to illness). It’s funny, it’s always the innies trying to be more like their bellybutton bro. You never hear an extrovert exclaim ‘I should just shut up and listen.’

Socializing takes practice and persistence but a lot of the time I just don’t have the energy and aptitude to do so. I stay quiet and comfortable in my own bubble.

[Dante13]

I am awful at it and im much happier in my own company, I struggle with peoples expectations of me and reading their facial expressions. I can be crippled by what people think of me. I have no friends locally, I literally know no one. I have friends at acupuncture training which is a two hour drive away and I only see them once a month for two days which allows me to enjoy their company. I don’t know how to make friends here, I’m too scared to, I fear my local areas due to what happened in my past here. Im trying to get out there, it’s incredibly painful, I know myself most of the time! I won’t have to please anyone beyond my limits if I stay at home and I won’t be exhausted for a day or so afterwards by trying to keep my mask in place! I wish it was easier and that I didn’t have to socialise, but that is not the case, I have to make myself otherwise I would be a shut in.

[SkinnyMe]

I agree with @Coldcomfort. After years of poor treatment by peers when I was younger, and always being alone in a crowd, I have grown accustomed to being completely alone and by myself and I am much happier this way than trying to fit into a society that doesn’t seem to want me.

[Breeze]

Socializing is hard. If makes me tired after getting into a conservation or just being with people.

[Azley]

@firemonkey

There are aspects of the world that many can take to and they are healthful in doing so, therefore the tendency for the behavior to be maintained is likely in up-most.

Taken at face value the modern human being actually has a lot to live up to… and our image centric western society does well to disallow us from taking to divergent lifestyles. It is irrational and disproportionate for many people to be faced with playing the games across all those fronts. I’d suspect that if you look back in human history there would be a shear drop off in the magnitude of mass socialization that occurred.

It’s unfair, but what makes it unfair is the ignorance of the dominant… The dominant being plural and not specific. It’s that same hue of dominance that makes the idea of fitting in appealing. If you are in the crowd at the circus show, then you no longer have to feel like you are the act.

However, regardless of number, it is wrong for the general public to impose standards, especially on those who lack the capacity to rise to the challenges that they (the masses) are latently programmed for.

I’ll tell you man the only folk I’ve met that I’ve really respected for what their contents were all had disdain for the mass opinions afloat. That may be more of a representation of who I am, in siding with that bias, than who they were… but most of those folk had a lot of academic respects under their belts… most were traveled… and even considerable socialites… what they didn’t do was impose their challenges on others.

I gotta say man… the socialites have all fallen flat on a lot of fronts and none of the people who value socialization as most significant have really held up under strong light.

Socializing is a dumb game that will corrupt your head and leave you feeling small. It’s a game unendingly… to take to thinking that humans are in essence lions with heirarchies… when from the outside it is quite easy to see how we could do better.

You might have to read between the lines to connect all the dots here… but I mean that people are starkly different from one another. If you are an individual that can detect nothing but those differences when you are around people… then you should not see them as the same as you, nor an extension of you, nor some valid standard that you are supposed to live up to.

Beyond that it’s a sign that you aren’t a brainwashed, made for tv, run of the mill one dimensional individual. Which makes you special… because every minute you exist you are representing the opposite.

Even on here @firemonkey… your presence is uniquely appreciable… I guarantee that beyond more than myself we all consider you an endearing well intended character… who struggles along similar lines that we do.

That makes you part of our support structure.

Perhaps I’m out of line in addressing this one a personal level, but it seems a recurring theme in your posts.

That said… You could try to practice more self acceptance and understanding that the social game just wasn’t for you… and know that there is no weakness in that.

Or if you really do feel like you want to take on the challenge of growth in that direction… perhaps field some support groups where more anxious characters have a chance to more casually let their barriers down.

Take care man. Glad that you are around.

[anon62973308]

More and more these days I feel the warmth of being around people. Like I would go to substitute teaching class and we would all take a picture together and somehow it is a good memory. I often meet new people and find myself needing to make a new connection with them. I also need to bond with people close to me. Like for example I took my mom out to see a movie today. She is in a good mood now. I am starting to put work into my relationships. I don’t like being lonely.

[rogueone]

I can deal with my own company. I really can. It’s way more fun and interesting to engage with others. We are all different but you learn some skills and you get by. It’s not really that hard. Most talking is about listening and focusing on verbal cues.

I too agree that it’s no fun being lonely.

[green5]

socializing is demanding for us who take meds, because the paces of out thinking, talking and walking are usually slower than the normal people. Conversation with new people is fun but if this talk is too long then I would feel exhausted and stressful. Now I only socialize with a few old friends and some online SZ friends. I usully don’t accept the invitations for traveling together with friends because my friends in reality are healthy people and they have much better energy and faster pace of doing activities. If I go mix with they I would have too much stress.

[Noise]

I miss socializing but now it’s just to hard. I have no friends I can physically hang out with it sucks.