So tired....so tired

I feel so down. Hubby been difficult to handle of late. I have avolition as usual and he wants to coax me out of it by helping me with chores but his way of helping is by directing me. I’m kind of grateful he’s pushing me out my apathy but it’s so hard…

And he wants me to wear socks when I go out, except to beach, he bought me slippers to wear instead of flip flops although I told him I like flip flops. I feel a bit like I’m losing myself bit by bit… I hate covering my feet! He’s trying to hide me from other men, doesn’t want them to look at me.

I wish I could be alone for a day or two without him just to breathe…but he never goes out without me so I’m never home alone. I miss my time alone. I love him but I’m feeling a little suffocated…he’s wanting to do almost everything together.

Another thing is I hate sex and how can I avoid it? I can’t. I’m disgusted by my genitals they are horrible ugly things. Gross! I wish I never had to have sex ever again. Yuck messy and disgusting.

Another thing is I missed my psychologist appointment yesterday because hubby wasn’t so well with his thoughts due to epilepsy problem. I had to give him a bit of antipsychotics which help when he’s like this. He hasn’t had a seizure in several weeks but then the thoughts go funny till the next seizures begin.

I have been under regular stress and strain recently with him. I’m so tired… I wish I could have gone to psychologist but now I have to wait at least another week.

:pensive::pensive::pensive:

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So much @Hadeda
I see why you are so tired.

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Be grateful you have someone. I have no one at all. I call my mom and have texting with siblings and a letter correspondence with a cousin.

I appreciate my husband but you don’t seem to appreciate my struggling so hard. Right now I wish I was single, even just ONE DAY to myself to do what I want no interruptions from needy husbands. I love him to bits but I need my solitude too and I’m not getting much at all and I’m stifled so stifled I can’t breathe…

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My situation is the opposite. Maybe both are equally bad.

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I understand 100%. I have these struggles and challenges and thoughts too.

It’s the SZ.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love our partners.
SZ also strains my partner life who is 100% supportive.
He is on with my pdoc and case work sessions.

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It’s a understandable challenge. I think most people in a relationship appreciates a breather every once in a while.

Maybe you could send him out on a errand every once in a while, or perhaps there is somewhere quiet you can go outside your home to relax. I know it’s not easy though. We have many of our comforts in our home.

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You need a break for a while

Ask him to go stay with his family?

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