So regarding today's peer counselling :)

Lounge
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We came to the conclusion that I should not be in a romantic relationship ever, lol.

Because from my experience with men, and what I’ve noticed so far, I don’t tick all the fantasy, ideal gf boxes, such as certain kind of feet, certain kind of hair, smooth even, hairless, skin, certain body shape, certain eyes, face shapes, confidence in bed, confidence, femininity in the classical sense I know nowadays feminity can be anything, etc. I’m NOT claiming to know what men want and I’m not claiming to say its a blanket statement either, necessarily, but I’ve had enough experience and witnessed enough to put me off from risking a relationship again where it turns out I don’t tick the boxes as much as some other chick. Lol. And that’s fine, I don’t care anymore because there’s other s h I t in life too.

Regarding jealousy, in general life, two key words… Empathy and core values.

1.empathy.
Ironically I can’t actually empathise with men cos I’m not a man, but just to try to empathise that specific visual of women seems to be important for them with regards to fantasy, type thing, from my experience, and from what I’ve witnessed, maybe not all, but perhaps a majority. Sigh, not saying they don’t care about personality, but just saying visual appearance makes a significant difference too. So I just got to remember, if I was a man, maybe I’d be the same.

2.core values.
Build up my core values with integrity. So not just say I’m this and that, but know it, through my actions. That way, I will never feel not good enough, if people leave me for other ppl, because I still know inside myself that I’m good enough person, this is regarding the friendship kind of realm since I’m not going into the romance realm anymore.

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You learned that at therapy?

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Sounds like you’ve learned a lot :slightly_smiling_face: I have a high regard for people who are very emotionally intelligent. Good on ya!

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Yes, I didnt hallucinate it, lol.

But to be fair, it was more geared towards being a support session. With a mental health charity.

Because actually therapy starts in about 2 weeks, by which time I have maybe got a job.

Sorry, I wasn’t very clear.

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So the support session was with a volunteer and not a professional?

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It was a paid Person. It’s their job. But they aren’t a trained therapist. It’s a bit difficult to explain l guess it’s like peer counselling, as opposed to official therapy.

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They told you what you wanted to hear. You need proper therapy for insecurities and interpersonal relationship skill building. You can have romance.

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Thanks ThePoet, it was pretty useful.

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I still have therapy coming up too. But if I have a job by then, then I can’t do it. Due to clash in timing. Hopefully I get at least 1 session.

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Dont sell yourself short. Difficulties in romance has a lot to do with people being reluctant. Obviously you know its easy to find someone to use you, but relationships are harder to get. Its not about physical stuff.

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But the ideal gf would be really physically hot and also clicks well. That’s what I’ve gathered so far. Anyway, if I continue talking this might turn into spam so I’ll just leave it at that.

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OK I’m not trying to put women off dating. I think there are ways to enjoy romantic relationships.

Sorry, wasn’t trying to be a downer.

Just wanted to express my personal experience in peer counselling today

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You dont have to be ideal.

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Im looking for someone now and ideal is not in my range, its not in most people’s

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@Zoe You really should prioritize your mental health and wellbeing and see a therapist. Not a peer counselor. A therapist.

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I know. But the therapy is apparently in a fortnight. I wanted something today because I wanted urgent support so I went to the peer counselling today. Whilst waiting for therapy. I’m on the waiting list 4 therapy.

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Yes, but you’re already sayIng if you get a job you won’t go to therapy. it sounds like you’re already coming up with reasons not to follow through on therapy.

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I feel that women who are close to, or actually ideal are pined after by whoever would be my partner and it doesn’t make me feel good. Anyway, it’s a topic for therapy. For now, I’m just not meant to date, and for now, I see it like that for life.

Don’t want to spam the forum. :face_with_spiral_eyes: Since it’s a rule break

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Do you think I should prioritise therapy over a job?

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Around 2009 i was in peak physical shape an attracted ideal kind of women, none of them i wanted a relationship with

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