So far: so good

Unusual Beliefs
1

sorry peeps. making a new thread, as someone somewhat aggravated me during my first post of last thread, which misrepresented my purpose. had it not been the first post, I wouldn’t have made another thread…

haven’t watched. but I’m not doing so good.

I’ve been cyber-talking on a chatroom site; instead of going for safesearch pics and music.

obviously not this site. lol I’d get flagged and banned in a heartbeat. don’t mess with the mods here.

but anyways, cyber-talking on that chatroom site can be very interactive and efficient.

but I can hurt myself and others. haven’t offended anyone this time; but I can forsee, as I’ve offended in the past.

back in the past, I used to get talked down by people. so I liked seeing people, like them, being dominated in videos. while watching, I would cyber-talk in chatrooms and get blocked.

I’ve learned to deal better, and I stopped watching.

but nowadays I sometimes feel that my poetry is more than fantasy; and I cyber-talk, which is dangerous. I need to understand the safety of music and safesearch pics

or they will ban me from their chatroom site and I must learn to deal a harder way.

also I might check if my long “so far, so good” posts correspond with weekends, when things are most stressful. if stress affects my dangerous habit; then it’s another thing to be cautious of, like my poetry.

1 Like
2

I had a lot of free time today. so I decided to chat with someone on 7cups.

got into another long conversation. at the end, recipient abruptly said that I was insane and to stop messaging them.

this behavior is dangerous for others and myself. I freak people out, and ultimately I could get banned on that other website. I have to understand the severity of the issue.

i remember I was part of the greatest poetry site on the internet. then I got into a conversation and I got permabanned. I lost nearly everything. I tried logging in with multiple accounts. those accounts got banned too. I begged to the AllPoetry moderators and they spat in my face. Kevin wouldnt even talk to me.

i can never get back onto AllPoetry again. I used to have lots of readers, and I used to be able to enter contests and get good comments. then I lost all those things. all because of a conversation. all because I decided to do something dumb.

so if I keep at this, I will surely be permabanned from 7cups.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong. it’s a matter of getting permabanned and losing another great place to talk with people.

I think I should use 7cups in the way it was intended to be used. or just not use it at all. because at this rate, they’ll kick me out.

7cups doesn’t feel important. but one day, I’m going to want to have a conversation with anyone, even a dude; and i won’t be able to because of a permaban.

I don’t know what I got till it’s gone.

Edit: in fact, I’m going to talk to a dude about this, on 7cups. finally use the website in the right manner.

Note: today is Saturday. my last post was on a snowday. these occurrences seem to happen when I have too much free time

3

I thought that if I stopped watching, I’d have more self-control. apparently, I was only half-right.

I still go to other internet sites and pose a threat to others through messages. some call it a form of harassment, which is usually not allowed on online communities, can cause trouble, and can even evolve into a legal issue.

I need to stop exercising it, for my wellbeing and others. to overcome this, I will reflect on how I overcame the videos, which was another behavior I had poor control with.

I’ve had a nice feeling of accomplishment, when I finally stopped watching. I no longer felt conquered by my thoughts. I felt a lot more comfortable, knowing that I wasn’t looking at videos that mom would laugh at. I felt a lot confident, knowing that I was a man who didn’t watch.

when I stopped watching, I overcame a nature that some people thought I had.

the videos make me think that

  1. people like physical intimacy.
  2. people can be bribed for physical intimacy.

the first assumption is rarely true.
the second assumption is illegal.

those two assumptions gave me a bad mindset and caused a lot of issues. these two assumptions helped me understand the severity of my addiction. but something else stopped me from watching. I found a substitute. instead of watching porn, I began listening to music and looking at safesearch pics.

so to overcome my new issue, I think I need to

  1. understand its severity.
  2. focus on a substitute.

the new issue is harassment. in situations, people have told me to stop messaging them, thus I was sending “unwanted” messages of an obscenely intimate nature. those particular actions fall under the umbrella of harassment.

I need to do research about it and its severity. once I understand the severity, I need to make a substitute.

but here’s some things:

  1. harassment is usually illegal and can lead to severe legal issues.
  2. rejection hurts a lot. when I get blocked by the recipient, it can ruin my whole day.
  3. rejection almost led to my self-destruction.
  4. conversations of harassment are time-consuming and fruitless, just like my video habits.
  5. people rarely like physical intimacy, and less-so harassment.
  6. bribes are illegal and falls under wikipedia’s definition of the harassment.
  7. most online communities have rules against harassment.
  8. the harassment ruined my bond with sister.
  9. the harassment got me kicked out my sister’s house.

most of the non-personal things might be false, so I’ll need to do research. altogether, these are just things to think about.

I think a good substitute might be non-obscene/ambiguous flirting.

4

no-fap reboot. well actually, just a few faps as possible.

releasing is important, as it puts me in a safer state of mind.

however; the means, in which I release, tend to feel unsatisfying: sometimes I get bored of music and pics. I feel that I opt to start harassing conversation on 7cups rather than opt to pics and music, when I don’t feel I will be satisfied from pics and music.

I’ve noticed that I release a lot quicker, when I’ve not seen music and pics for a long time.

It’s like water. water can be boring. but when I haven’t drank any water, for a long time, I start to thirst. and after that drought, the water is very satisfying and even tastes like soda.

If I release a lot quicker, when I’ve not seen music and pics for a long time, then that means that I can release before I have any thoughts of striking up a harassing conversation on 7cups. And if I release before contemplating those harmful plans, then I will not follow through with them.

This all might be true, but easier said than done. Sometimes I can have a sudden random urge to release, due to things that are far from a clear intimate nature. And usually I don’t have the option to not release, as releasing is usually the only way to continue an efficient level of productivity throughout my day.

However; I do know that after I read or write some romance poetry, I get an urge to release. In fact, I believe most of my urges occur after I read or write romance poetry. So if I rearrange my schedule, I can almost control when I do and don’t have urges to release.

I have a feeling that this will be a nice quick solution to get this new harassment issue under control.

5

I’ve been doing pretty good. I haven’t harassed anyone on 7cups since a week ago.

I’ve found a way to use 7cups more effectively, by helping out dudes who are like me. A lot of them struggle with things that I struggle with, and so I listen to them and help them understand their situation.

I also found a safer substitute to replace the harassment, just like how I found a safer alternative for the videos.

As for the severity of the harassment issue, I did research and discovered that my harassment hasn’t escalated to any dangerous levels yet. in fact, the simplest forms of non-public harassment isn’t even illegal.

however, a lot of communities have rules against harassment. so for my own safety and well being, it is vital that I refrain from it. To prevent my own self-destruction, I have to not exercise harassment in those communities.

see ya next week