So angry and fed up

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Saw psychiatrist, non event, no plans for changing meds, he dismissed my neurological symptoms and focused on prolactin levels which I really don’t care about, I’m not aiming to get pregnant I have no partner. I’m coming off abilify, which is something. He mentioned going on a medication (for prolactin levels) which increases dopamine, makes psychosis worse so will increase Chlorpromazine which is causing the hormonal imbalance so it makes no sense. No matter the fact I am ill enough as it is, he also claimed my illness isn’t biological so I can’t go on clozaril what the hell does that mean? He contradicted himself about that while mentioning dopamine levels, I have been psychotic seven years…today he made me feel like a teenager, my mum was with me and he basically didn’t acknowledge me and I felt like I was back under child and adolescent services. Im 24! It was God awful and i feel controlled, I’m going to reduce my meds slowly and pove to them i don’t need them meds or their stupid services.

I had so much hope based on this appointment I just wanted answers, he’s useless, I haven’t even been able to talk to him about my symptoms because he never asks, but I know these meds are poisoning me, it’s eating my brain, it’s instinctive I’ve been forcing myself to take my meds but it takes all my willpower. I will reduce slowly and properly but I don’t need their permission and all my symptoms will go.

I just feel so hurt. All this time and I trusted my nurse, Im so stupid it’s been a ploy, I was right all along.

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I find the same with my Doctors they never want to talk about my concerns and when they do they just dismiss them as false beliefs, I may have Schizophrenia but i’m not brain dead.
Now I just my med injection and forget about the rest, it’s like talking to a brick wall anyway.

I would suggest not taking your mother in with you then he has to talk to you, maybe try explaining that to your mother.

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Thank you mountain man, my mum was with me because my nurse was recommending clozapine and he said it would be good for her to be there and had actually printed all the information, the doc didn’t even seem to know why I was there, it was such a huge event for me but not even worth his effort.

I couldn’t talk in front of my mum but I’m seeing my nurse on Wednesday and I’m going to bear all hoping it’ll feed back, I feel so bad and voices are messing with me. I felt like I was begging, I’ve been desperate and now I don’t care, Im in a hard place and I’m fighting major urges to do something awful. I havent because I dont make major decisions in anger.

Something needs to change and I don’t want to wait months when my life is at risk. I’m not going to be dictated and controlled all over again. I had an equal footing with my last doc he actually tried to know me and gave me time, this one I felt stupid and inadequate, I won’t go back there.

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