I do not know if I have schizophrenia. However, I was given a provisional diagnosis of schizophrenia three years ago, and have suffered from a few psychotic episodes for the past ten years, all of which were treated. My last one prompted an involuntary hospitalisation and my prognosis was very poor. For one reason or another, my initial treatment team was adamant not to give me a diagnosis but have stressed that I should take antipsychotics for a long time.
My significant other has been complaining a lot about what I believe are expressions of negative symptoms, including not being invested in my environment and not attending to everyday chores properly. I try but it’s very difficult for me. When not psychotic, I experience non bizarre paranoid thoughts and also visual and tactile hallucinations. Yet I excel in the work environment as a theoretical physicist, having written the strongest thesis in the department (after the diagnosis). Is it possible for such a dichotomy to occur? i.e. poor daily coping skills yet do well at work?
Long story short, I have not disclosed my past to her in fear that she might leave me but also because I want to have a normal life and avoid as much as possible that she undertakes a caretaker’s role. The relationship is at stake now because of my (selective?) negative symptoms which she believes are intrinsic features of my personality. Will I save the relationship if I explain to her the situation?
How do you take your pills when she is around? Do you hide taking them too? I would tell her, just to get a load of my chest. Its kind of heavy living with a secret with your significant other. Tell her you did not tell her yet because youre afraid to loose her. Honesty is the best defense sometimes. Give her a book to read on the subject maybe. That will help inform her and take away prejudisms. If she leaves you for this, then she was never worth it in my opinion.
Interesting you are a theoretical physicist? I have a master’s in physics. Did you get your phd before you started experiencing symptoms?
Maybe you could see what she thinks about schizophrenics before you try to tell her. See if she thinks they are all axe murderers or if she sympathizes with them. Even then it is still difficult choice to make as there is a bit of stigma associated with sz. But you will probably have to tell her eventually. If you take medication she might find it.
[quote=“joeyjoey, post:1, topic:75805”]
When not psychotic, I experience non bizarre paranoid thoughts and also visual and tactile hallucinations.
[/quote] this is psychosis that you are describing. Thoughts don’t need to be of bizarre nature. I wouldn’t hide anything. If she wants to be with you, she will be with you with your illness. But if you don’t tell her it WILL come out eventually.
Are your symptoms making a significant impact on your relationship? Tell her. Do you intend to have a very serious relationship with her? Maybe marriage someday and/or kids? Tell her. If no to both of those, I don’t think you’re obligated to, it’s more a matter of if you want her to know or not. Would you really want to be with someone who didn’t support you in your illness and who wouldn’t want you if they knew the truth about you?
I want to go back to school someday. Because of some of the hallucinations I had at college I don’t feel that good going near the local university anymore. Also I didn’t do that well on the physics gre. What field is your specialty? My thesis was in high energy physics qed but I don’t know how much I remember. Been about 2-3 years since I got my masters.
are you planning to do a phd as well?