I’m debating on telling my daughter what a bad person her dad was when I knew him. See, #1 he date raped me #2 he did other illegal things. I left him at 8 months pregnant and I hid that child from him for 13 years.
My dad made a statement that he wouldn’t put it past her dad to sell her in another country and it scared the behookies out of me.
So I didn’t let people take her picture (a photo journalist wanted to get her pic at a sponsored yard sale) and I wouldn’t let her school put her name next to her pic in the yearbook.
I’m sure she wonders why she didn’t meet her dad until she was 13. She never asked me about it.
She talks to her dad now. I don’t know what kinda guy he is now.
I set up in divorce court supervised visits but to my knowledge he never tried to see her. He may have called my dad about her but my dad never said anything to me about it.
I wish I could tell you what to do on this one, but I don’t know. Warn your daughter about her dad. Let her know how bad he is. Try to keep them from getting close.
I would definitely talk with her. I would not tell all the details, but tell her to be very careful. And why. She is a grown up. You can’t protect her from everything. But you need to make sure she doesnt go into this blindly, I think. I suspect your underlying intention and how you make that felt, is important. “He is an evil ■■■■■■■” has a different tone of speaking than “i want to protect you”. It is not anger, but love, from which you speak. And this must be clear. It will make it more likely that she hears you.
I’m not a parent, so I don’t feel qualified to make an opinion on this. I’m glad your daughter has had you on top of this to keep her safe all these years.
Hopefully, her knowing her dad will be ok. Or she’ll learn first hand to stay away.
I agree with @anon82948922 that she needs to be able to protect herself, but with a huge side helping of “this is going to emotionally devastate her for decades” so maybe be extremely cautious with the details and do NOT tell her that her conception was a result of rape. Knowing that he assaulted you towards the end of your relationship and has a history of hurting other women should be plenty of info.
Just be forewarned that she might not believe you. Kida often build up this idea of what the absent parent is like. They won’t believe otherwise, good or bad, until they see for themselves.
I don’t know what my dad in the seventies but he lied about fathering other children. I want to hug their mom and dad because they saved their children’s sanity. And I hope she made him pay child support. My dad did something I can’t talk about in 1991. But anyway I’d be scared to let my daughter see him. If she really wants to know I guess you can’t stop her. I hope things go well. Hugs. Rox
I plan to tell my daughter some of what I know but for her father’s name… I never want her to go looking for him and I’ll tell her there are good people on his side but for her safety I won’t tell her any names… I can’t remember their names anyways… Just his…
Your daughter decided to stop talking to you rwcently, correct? So why would you want to dump all this on her now? Honestly, it sounds like a way to hurt her for cutting ties. Even of not. If it looks that way to one person, I’m sure she’d think the same thing.
Leave it alone until you build a relationship again and then do it gently.
When I was a kid my mom told me my dad was a bad man. She told me the police arrested him, and she had to bail him out of jail. She also told me jail isn’t a nice place, and took me by the jail to see it. She also used to torture me when I was a kid she was going to call the police and have them arrest me too.
I wasn’t until I had a man touching me when I was seven that I had positive experiences with the police. I actually like them now and aren’t afraid of them. My mom didn’t like the police very much.
I got the story of my dad when I was older from my grandmother, and he was just a drunk who got arrested all the time as far as she knew. I don’t think he date raped anyone. I to this day don’t know what he did. My mom was divorced on grounds of desertion as he went AWOL from the Army and disappeared.
My mom told me when I was older that my grandfather wanted to terminate her pregnancy with me which she didn’t do, and it didn’t mess me up too much. As you can see there was a lot of crap going on when I was a kid in my family. My mom told me that was why my grandfather was so hateful to me when I was a kid. He found out my dad was schizophrenic which was his reason. My mom told me about that too.
