I really want a baby more than anything else in world. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and go through experience of being pregnant.
I’ve just turned 36 and I don’t know how much time I have left. I’m also single. I’ve had five psychotic episodes in last 9- 10 years. I’m doing ok now but I don’t know if I’ll stay stable.
Should I try and make peace with not having kids, wait a while to see if I’m stable or go for it?
It is your choice and only you can decide.
But it doesnt seem like a good idea to have a child alone, when you have had several psychotic episodes in the last years and arent sure you will be stable. I wouldnt risk it. You also dont know what hormones and a baby do to your psychiatric health. And how this impacts the kid.
I am a single mother and developped psychosis after birth. My son had to be raised by my parents for a major part. And there is always a risk of relapse, which could impact my kid deeply.
I know it is an extremely difficult decision - I have a longing for another child and i decided i will never try it. There is mourning over that.
If you decide for a child: how? And do you have a good social netwerk? Are your psychoses risky to your kid?
I’m stable and decided not to have kids a long time ago. It’s too risky. I might not be able to take care of them despite my good intentions and I might also pass the disease onto them.
There is nothing wrong with that, I would definatly talk with a doctor before trying to conceive tho. With your age comes a higher risk of pretrm to term complications as well as cahnces that the child will be born defective or have autism and possibly even develop schizophrenia. Adopting may be best until you can get more information
Born defective?
It is a decision only you can make, but it might be a good idea to stress test yourself beforehand. When you are a new parent, you will spend months getting 3-5 hours of sleep a night, that is interrupted by screaming. You will barely have time to shower. Forget about pooping alone. Nothing will be about you anymore, because your baby’s wellbeing is a higher priority. Trips to the grocery store become incredibly complex. Just something small like returning the shopping cart to the cart corral becomes a balancing act. You will have to deal with sudden, loud noises constantly. Your kitchen will be covered in splattered food, and it will take hours to properly clean. You’ll have to clean it anyways, because your baby WILL eat rotten food off the floor if you aren’t carefull, and it WILL give them massive diarrhea . You can’t wash bottles in the dishwasher, so you will have to find time to hand wash all the components every single night.
Not to get down on having a baby. There are also really amazing parts. Getting to watch the wonder on their faces when they learn to crawl, or stand. Being able to laugh with them, or snuggle them to sleep in your arms. Watching them experience mashed bananas or ice cream for the first time. Receiving the unconditional love and admiration from someone who thinks you are the greatest person on Earth. When something scares them, and they come running for you because they trust you to protect them.
I am a foster parent. I had babies for about 5 weeks. It was exactly long enough for me to realize that I can not be a long-term parent of a baby. I barely survived those 5 weeks. Thankfully, my babies’ parents were able to make good changes, and bring their kids home. And now I have Starlet. He was 13 when we got him. I never thought I would want to adopt a teenager, but I have to be honest, it feels like fate. He is just my kid, no question about it. I am so glad I can be a good parent for him. I am also really glad that he loves to sleep, so I can get the sleep I need every night to be a good parent for him.
I had my last baby when I was 35. My patience levels to deal with a 9 year old has considerably dropped compared to before.
Kids take it really hard when you have a relapse. It’s scary for them.
+1 For adoption.
I would have a baby, before it’s too late. You probably have someone who could help, if you needed it. Marilyn Monroe’s mother had schizophrenia and Marilyn had to grow up in foster care. But usually that isn’t a problem nowadays.
All the times I’ve relapsed they’ve been when I’ve been off meds so I’m hoping I’ll remind stable on meds.
I think you’re still young enough to have a healthy baby.
The question is whether or not you should.
It’s a hard question only you can answer.
I would advise you against infant adoption, like others have suggested.
It’s expensive, difficult and adoption agencies are predatory.
It is something you have to decide for yourself. I wanted to have kids myself, but I never got around to it.
I am glad that I didn’t let my gf become pregnant b4 sz, it would have been a disaster now with sz and she left me shortly after my diagnosis. Raising a baby by myself would have destroyed my life, I wouldn’t be able to finish my university degree etc Both ways I am not able to work, I stay in bed all day everyday now, I would have gave my baby to an orphanage.
I think when only one parent has Sz the odds of passing it directly on are 10%
All I can say is though, decide carefully.
Best of luck in your continuing journey of life.
I think personally if I didn’t have a child it would be one of my deepest regrets later on in life. I also agree with @GoldenRex about adopting.
I’m 36 and currently trying for a baby.
All factors in me deciding to foster instead of doing private adoption. But I will say, fostering is its own beast. With private adoption, you don’t spend time bonding with your baby only to have them taken away on a moment’s notice. You might have to wait longer, but once you get a baby, that is your baby.
That was part of why we decided to take Starlet. His situation was clear, he will never return home or to a relative resource. He needs an adoptive home. We know we won’t have to say goodbye to him.
Its a common term used in the medical field to describe a baby with a congenital abnormality (not born at base line). Such as a baby born still or with a cleft palate, anemic or spinabifida. Implying failure to thrive
I think at around 36 you are at great risk for miscarriage.
If not married, would you consider living with a woman? She could be your adult companionship that could help your mental state.
This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.