As you may know about me at this juncture I’m a big Brando fan, and it’s enigmatic sort of bc his daughter Cheyenne got Sz and committed suicide. She hung herself; and before that, said on tape that her father touched her; (something top that effect.)
So I have that going for me… : )
So I too fantasize, and have thrown it in my parents’ faces that hanging is what “stigma” and being isolated feel like… I think we’re all capable of suicidal ideations…
Why can’t you watch YouTube?
I’m around my family and I dont want them to get a wiff of what I’m feeling right now. Plus my headache is bad
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I think trying to get some sleep is a good idea. Everything always seems worse at night.
You said work will probably make it worse… what work are you currently doing… is it food service or retail?
I had a good job right out of college(Tiffany & Co.) but got bumped for getting paranoid and trying to hide in plain sight by chatting up the office ‘outlier in the looks department’. I’m over it… but I had to move on weakness and my next job was in retail banking opening checking and savings accounts/clearly not a fit for me. I was having a quarter life crisis and was doing ballroom dance(I didn’t see myself as having no rythym/having a coordination disorder) but they liked me a lot and offered me a free trip to Puerto Rico. The bank wouldn’t even let me take unpaid time off for it. Probably the least sexy job in the world.
I guess the point is pain is pretty universal. Still maybe try harder to tell your father about it; in one sense it’ll be like opening the flood gates; the easiest conversation to make.
I work at Starbucks and fridays are really busy :S sorry I’m not saying much, I’m trying to sleep but cant
Oh ok… Sorry about having to make frapps… I tip well there on the app… and wonder if the company just keeps it. I go religiously actually. To try and gather smiles because I think my esteem needs it.
The tipping I wonder if I do solely because I get the feeling that it’s going to leak one day. But hey we all have a dark side, right?
Please consider going to the hospital if you have a plan to kill yourself. The hospital can keep you safe.
Do you have some good techniques to calm yourself? I’m trying a lot of sensory techniques and it has calmed me down a lot.
Yeah its torturous lol. Those damn frapps… tips are very nice though
I wiggle my toes a lot to help calm medown. Other than that not really. What have you been trying?.
I’m rubbing my fingers together. It’s really soothing and calming.
Also rocking back and forth isn’t really bad. I tried it yesterday when my mom was really sick because it was really causing a major anxiety, and it helped me to calm down a lot.
I love rocking while listening to music the perfect combo
How’d you get that??
The smartest thing your company did was start asking people if they wanted a shot of espresso in their iced coffee.
At the time I had never thought of it… think this was approx. 3 years ago. Now it’s part of my routine. But at least I order simple drinks. hahaha
I met a bartender and former barista who said corporate always harps on baristas/partners being friendly. At least there’s a trajectory for you in that anecdote(possibly). I respect all of it.
And I could never do it because of my ‘working memory’.
Oh. I should try that sometime- does it help to reduce a lot of the anxiety from overload?
I do commercial yard clean ups, I cleaned up a sign company that closed and Starbucks came down and took what they wanted and left that one, so brought it home 
It helps me a ton yes
I cant sleep 
ugh my head is killing ne
Can you try to do any of the stimming techniques? Maybe it can calm you down in some ways.
And yes it helps me, too. I’ve just decided to not hide it anymore.
Yeah no use hiding it! I’ve been working on that myself. Do you flap your hands, when you’re excited,? J used to dk that a lot
