I’m supposed to be meeting a few friends tomorrow to hang out before we all go to university (they still think I’m going to university this year lol) but I’m not sure if I should go or not.
I’m not even sure why I’m invited to be honest because I completely withdrawn from them last year in college and isolated myself. They are unaware of what has happened to me as well.
Compared to them, I am inadequate because I’m not going to uni, have barely done anything all summer and don’t even know what to do with my life. If my friends question me about this, the voices will start making me feel like s***.
I know socialising is good for you but I genuinely don’t think it helps me anymore. I can’t engage or connect with people as I don’t trust them. I don’t keep up with conversations because the ones inside my head are always louder and more interesting. Or sometimes they are disturbing and I feel uncomfortable, worrying people know what I’m thinking and they’ll hate me.
I have a gut feeling that I will get murdered either on the way to my friend’s house or when I come back.
One of the friends there has also said some very offensive things to me in the past about my anxiety and always call me a weirdo. The other people there I am not very close with.
If you have read this far, you’ll probably have gathered that I don’t really want to go. But will not going make me a BAD person?
Of course it won’t make you a bad person. Sounds like those people aren’t really your friends. But I don’t think anyone would resort to murder, it’s probably just your paranoia…
Btw you have changed your avatar. The current one looks better. Are you into anime by any chance?
It’s impossible for people to understand when you don’t tell them anything. I’ve had several situations like this with my friends where for example one of them just ghosted us for a whole year and we started feeling like she didn’t care about us anymore and didn’t want to be friends only to find out she was having a mental breakdown the whole year and didn’t tell us. We then felt awful for having judged her and told her we would always be there to support her, or give her alone time if she needed it. If they are good friends and you care about them I highly recommend being open with them about what you’re going through and expanding your support network. If they are not good friends, then by all means leave them behind.
Oh lord that’s a hard one. I want to “let you off the hook” and say don’t go, but something is telling me that it might be good for you to make a connection with these ladies. It might be a relief for you to see that you can get some acceptance and support from the “normies”. The only problem I’m having is what if by some chance they aren’t supportive, then that would really f**k you up. It’s a hard call @Jesspresso. I guess my best advice is follow your heart.
The funny thing is, these friends aren’t actually ‘normies’ as they have quite a few issues of their own, yet I still see them as ‘normies’ compared to me because they still lead normal lives.
The friend who used to make mean comments to me claims to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ocd, schizophrenia, bipolar, dyslexia and adhd so if this is true, you’d think they’d be more understanding of me acting ‘differently’.
I think I will just see how I’m feeling tomorrow and if I’m feeling unstable, I’ll tell them I have diarrhea or something. No one asks further questions when diarrhea is involved
No it will not make you a bad person and I feel you are in no danger of becoming one. But if by some chance you can level with them a bit it may be good for you.
Note: in the event you do not go make sure to drink small sips of clear fluid to maintain your cover.
Dear @Jesspresso , I don’t know if anyone has explained this to you or not yet but I would like you to know that you are the boss of what goes on in your head. If the voices tell you to do something that isn’t right don’t do it. You have a responsibility to do the right thing. Stop taking the laxatives, they are harming you. Don’t let the voices bully you.
I doesn’t make you a bad person if you don’t go. Just a little warning though I used to do this and many people only ask the once. It all is to be determined if they are actually your friends or not. If they are your true friends then it is a more difficult decision. However if most of these people aren’t then why worry about just don’t go. You are right in that you still need to push yourself and go outside. I would but my friends in university stopped talking to me after I graduated except for some.
