Social dilemma?

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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Okay, so I’ve got this social event coming up this week, and I honestly don’t know what to do.

My partner and I are meeting up with some friends of his. Now, I absolutely love these guys to bits, but I haven’t seen them in a few months. Last time I saw them was an absolute nightmare. I’d just started my meds and made a complete fool of myself. I blacked out and don’t really remember what happened, but have since been told, and it isn’t pretty. Basically, I had this huge paranoid freakout. Voices were telling me a lot of messed up stuff. Ended up yelling at people, saying they didn’t like me, were all laughing at me etc. Threatened some people, then completely blacked out and collapsed. Some really out of character, horrifying stuff. Was right at rock bottom.

To make things worse, one of the people who is maybe going is one of my “triggers”. Won’t get too into it but I have this whole obsessive thing with them and tend to get like 1000% worse when they’re around.

So now I’m torn. I really wanna see these people and hang out again, but am just so embarrassed about it all. And the thing with my anxiety is, if I go in anxious then I generally end up making even more of an ass of myself. I don’t wanna go there and then just feel more and more paranoid and end up making a big thing of it. But I also wanna give myself a chance and don’t wanna let anyone down.

Sorry for the long post but…well, what would you guys do/what do you think? I don’t feel I can ask my bf or friends about it, it’s a bit too awkward.

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Enjoy yourselves you and your bf!
Glad to hear you have a bf!

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Don’t drink this time if you do try your best to monitor your drinking so it doesn’t get to the point where you black out

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@Chess24 Thanks! :slight_smile: yeah, am very lucky to have my partner, he’s super supportive.

@catherine That’s the odd thing, I barely drank at all last time. But you’re right, that’s good advice.

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I see perhaps the alcohol doesn’t mix well with your medication I used to black out every time I drank when I was on klonapin. I’m not sure about your scenario but that’s the only thing I could think hope it helps :blush:

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I used to get real paranoid about my gf’s friends too. To the point where my gf didn’t want me around her friends. She said I embarrassed her. I know this “gf” wasn’t a very good or loving gf. She’s out of my life now, finally. I hope she stays gone.

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That’s exactly what I’m worried about. I felt like I really embarrassed him before and am so worried about doing it again. He is reassuring and says they all understand what happened but it’s really freaking me out.

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I think if you’re concerned about it,

Its going to make you have a bad time.

Maybe plan to attend for only a little while,

So you get to see everyone,

But not long enough to be triggered by anyone.

Or, just don’t go.

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Exactly, it’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. Worrying about it going bad is gonna make it go bad :scream:

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