So a friend(?) from college randomly messaged me asking if I want to go on holiday with him and a small group of other people…
For the past 2 years I have been thinking this friend doesn’t really like me as they often said some witty and hurtful things to me about my anxiety and life in general.
The other people going are all nice people but I barely spoke to any of them at college because they were all in the “Cool popular squad” And I was just a weird troll who was mentally ill.
So I’ve trying to avoid anyone and everything to do with my college as lots of difficult memories were made there.
I think I would feel very uncomfortable going on holiday with them, and therefore spending money to go as the only money I receive is employment support from the government.
They are all at university and I’m just at home doing nothing because I keep hopping between hospitalization and recovery They’re obviously gonna ask what I’ve been doing this year and I’ll just be feeling left out the whole time because I was never in their friendship group anyway.
Anyway, how do I phrase to this friend that I do not want to go on holiday with them without sounding rude?
I think you should go… But only if you feel mentally stable. Sometimes going out leads to new opportunities, sometimes just disappointment. Somrtimes you learn something just from being in a new place and it makes life a little more interesting. I think if you go, just don’t complain about your problems or act like you need to be cared for. I think being around normal people can help you learn to feel comfortable in your own skin and live a normal life. But there are great costs as well. Money, being judged, not being mentally prepared, etc. if you’re sure you don’t want to go, I don’t think it’s rude just to make an excuse. Turning down an offer costs you nothing and no one will be hurt.
I get what you mean but I’ve already decided I don’t want to go. If I were to go on holiday, it would have to be with people I trust and am comfortable/close with…
So I’m just asking here what excuse to say, and how to phrase the message as I don’t want to come across like I’m being rude
I think i would question your friends intentions on asking you to go. What does he plan on gaining from your presence there.
But in deciding rather or not to go I’d take into consideration of what do you really got to lose?
As long as you have the proper boundaries set and if they will take into consideration your mental state during the time .
If you go be in the mindset of I’m gonna go and have fun and not worry. When we worry and think of the negative things that could happen it gives them more of a possibility to happen. 0lus you’d just be going into the trip feeling crappy and anxious if you aren’t sure.
Me personally I drink a few drinks if I’m having to be social with groups. This isn’t healthy but why else do you think normal people drink at parties, hangouts , at dinner and on dates.
Almost any excuse you use would not be rude. If you want to associate with this friend again, say something that is partly true so you don’t end up offending them if they find out. Like if you say you’re busy and you’re not. Say you don’t have money is a good one. If you don’t plan on associating with this person again, it really doesn’t matter.
Okay I’ve replied to him, I just said I don’t think I’ll be up for it and I don’t have much money at the moment.
If they start asking further questions then I’ll just say I don’t want to talk about it.
That’s the excuse Moonbeam and I would use. It probably would be too expensive. I don’t know how likely this is, but I’ve been wondering if they didn’t ask you so they could mistreat you in some way. People can pull some really shitty stuff.
I’ve replied to him now saying I don’t have much money and probably won’t be up to it.
Yeah I definitely wasn’t invited because they want me to go, it’s probably to fill a space so the others don’t have to pay as much between them.
Some may think I’m being unreasonable turning down this offer, but the friend who invited me 's idea of a joke is telling people to kill themselves and humiliating people in front of everyone else about their insecurities.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much…take things at your own pace. I hope you feel better though…this person doesn’t seem close to you I think? you haven’t talked to him since college…he doesn’t need to get into your business. its good that he/she asks how you are but if your going through some things, especially if their not willing to understand you have the right to remain silent.
I never go anywhere, I just tell people it something I don’t want to do at the moment, No one calls anymore, so I guess it not good to turn down every outing.
They’re obviously gonna ask what I’ve been doing this year and I’ll just be feeling left out the whole time because I was never in their friendship group anyway.