Do it. You’re not alone, you’ve got your husband to help. The chances are greater for you to pass sz on than someone without, but it’s not a guarantee. I hate to say this but time is running out, Don’t regret passing up something like this for the rest of your life.
@clouddog, just remember a baby is a big responsibility. The babay must come first at all times. If you think you can handle that, then theres no reason why not.
I have 2 little ones, 4 and 7 months. For me, they are my lifesavers. I wouldn’t be alive without them. Caring for them can be difficult, but, at the same time, they are a motivating factor. I am very glad for my children and I take very good care of them. I also have a VERY supportive husband who isn’t afraid to remind me that I have to make my oldest listen to me and behave, and she does! She is amazing! She is incredibly intelligent. I don’t worry about her having my illness because ANYTHING could happen to her. She could be autistic, she could have heart issues, she could have anything. God (for me) decides ours and our children’s fates.
It sounds like you aren’t always stable.
I got pregnant in 2013. I wanted to have the baby but I had no support. The father wasn’t supportive and has schizophrenia and autism. I have bipolar and some schizophrenia symptoms. I chose not to have the baby because I had no idea if the genes would pass on and thought it was very likely the baby would end up having severe emotional and mental health issues or a psychotic disorder. I don’t know for sure if I could prevent it. My mom appears to have had no real cause for her descent into Bipolar and Psychosis. I also sometimes depersonalize. I don’t want to have my own child until I am financially prepared, in a solid relationship, and have the mental capacity. I know I would be a wonderful mother, and I’m great with kids. But I’m just worried it would be extremely stressful and that it would also make it harder to cope with my own fears and illness. I don’t know if I have the emotional capacity to endure a child if she or he was a teenager and started rebelling. Maybe in the future I will though. I want to become a behavioral tech so it’ll probably teach me more about raising children. I don’t spend a lot of time around kids, only started recently since I was out of college and decided to learn. Like I changed a diaper for the first time recently. I’ve never had the responsibility of kids, even though I got certified as a babysitter when I was a teenager.
Raising kids is a career. Even though I’m almost 26 I don’t have a lot of job experience either. It’s always taken me so much longer than everyone to accomplish things. I can adapt easily though. Maybe I haven’t been pressured enough because my illness made me lose a lot of my capabilities. Although, I have gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom. I might be too hard on myself.
I say take your chances
it’s difficult but i will say this. please do not romantisize having a baby. your sister is right. unless you have the full support of your family you are in for some rough times. babies do not follow orders, they cry constantly and before they can speak you don’t know why. it’s one of a few things, dirty nappy, hungry, thirsty, in pain or want to be picked up all the time. can you cope with 3 hours sleep every day for the first five years and about 5 or 6 hours sleep until they hit 13 years old. can you cook every day 3 times a day until they start school? can you do two or more loads of washing and drying every day for the next 18 years? do you drive? can you attend medical and dental appointments and pre school and school every day, twice a day in a clean and presentable manner even at your worst? you ng children don’t understand that mummy is ill, all they know is that they are. hungry, thirsty, tired etc and do not know how to communicate this in a calm and concise manner. they throw tantrums all the time between birth and about 6 years old. can you handle that when you’re at your worst, when your voices won’t leave you alone? when you have no grip on reality? this is not a worst case scenario i’m painting you, this is real every day life with kids. i’m not trying to put you off either. i’m just telling you how it is. i have two wonderful kids and i love them with all my heart but i haven’t been the best mother simply because i couldn’t cope. i was lucky in that i had a husband that could but he is dead now and it’s just me and the kids. luckily one is almost 18 and the other 15. one more year until the youngest can’t be taken into care and you have to think about this. how will you and your husband, both of you autistic, one of you schiz deal with the physical, mental, emotional and everyday needs of this child? who is there to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong? do you have your mother’s support? will your sister help? because if they won’t there is a very real risk that your child will be taken into care and adopted out and you will never see it again. think i’m just saying this to scare you? i’m not. that’s the reality of having children if you as a parent can’t cope. it’s very easy for others who don’t have children to say go for it but they don’t understand the stress of having a real baby 24/7. it’s hard work and you need to be 100% there in your mind. i can still remember taking my young kids on a completely psychotic road trip when they were still in junior school. i was completely out of it and i took them with me when they should’ve been at school. i remember the school phoning me countless times to tell me it was 10am and why weren’t they there? why? because the meds i was on were so sedating that i slept through my alarm. i remember ignoring my daughter because i was so out of it on meds that when she wet the bed as she did until she was 7 or 8 that i couldn’t get out of bed to change her sheets so she got in bed with me. all these things are neglect of care. failure to adequately parent a child and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. you want a child. i can understand that…biological clock ticking and all that but when you have kids, it’s not about what you want, it’s about the child. the basic question is, can you cope? get a dog first and see how you go for 6 months. house training a puppy will give you some idea of what it’s like to have a toddler. if you can cope with that then think about having a child. if you can’t then don’t even think about having a baby because it’s like that only a 100 times more stressful and you never stop being a parent. it doesn’t end when it turns 18 yrs old. are there good times? of course. there’s nothing like your own child’s smile to melt your heart, snuggles and bedtime stories etc but do not romanticize it. hope this helps. x
Very beautifully said
ok im cutting the crap here can yiu get up in the night with them can you afford them only have children if its what you want MORE THAN ANYTHING in the world. its majore resposibiliity for the rest of your life.
I have dogs they don’t talk.
Yeah just like me @StarryNight - It is very possible that i have the same thing
@Clouddog there is a movie I’ve seen recently about 5 different people dealing with either being Schizophrenic, or having a Schizophrenic loved one, one of the shorts in the movie was about a girl who was raised by a Schizophrenic mother, the movie is called Call Me Crazy with Jennifer Hudson, Chelsea handler, Melanie Griffith, Britney Snow, just to name a few stars in the movie. I’ve mentioned it in the past, but I think it’s a good watch, the part I’m talking about is told from the daughter’s point of view of being raised by Schizophrenic mother. While the movie was more supportive of the character and the daughter wound up understanding the mothers situation as she grew older it’s important to remember not every child will come around, even if they fully understand your disorder.
One scene talks about a sister who still is emotionally upset because her Schizophrenic sister tried to kill her while she having an “episode” and felt like the rest of the family was more concerned about the Schizophrenic child than her and she harbored hate for the sister…while we may have people in our lives now that are angry or hurt at the things we have done in the past because of psychosis, think of what could happen to your children while in an episode. I know no one can judge what their next psychotic episode will be like, but can determine a few things: are normally neglectful towards things in your life during a break down? Are you abusive, cruel, revengeful?
Think of it this way, if you wanted a child…and couldn’t have one and you decided to adopt. While I think people with mental illnesses have it harder to adopt a child lets just pretend this wasn’t an issue…would social workers consider your home safe and secure even if you were “out-of-it”? Would there be additional support helping you, or would CPS (child protective services) be coming back to collect the child if you had a breakdown?
As other said, I’m not trying to be mean here, and I’m not “romanticizing” that a mentally ill person could have and raise a perfectly healthy baby…I know there are risks. I know children are hard to raise…even those that are perfectly healthy. But no one knows your situation more than you do. Unless you live with your sister, she doesn’t know what your home is like, she only knows what you’re like when you’re with her, and she only knows what you have been like in the past…but things change. While our illness can’t be cured we can be treated and live normal lives. But just keep in mind, kids are forever…you may think you want one right now, but will you still feel that way 3 or 4 years from now?
Thanks - yeah it is becoming clear that i don’t want a child - enough
No, pets are not like children.
They are better. They are more loyal (when justified of course. some people don’t deserve to have pets, nor kids)
I am 52 this week.
I have a 22 year old daughter who has had many struggles emotionally and mentally. She has inherited some of her father 's mental illness (OCD) and some of mine (anorexia and self-harming, depression and some burgeoning signs of SZ) I talked to her about my feelings of guilt…of having saddled her with so much to deal with. She told me, “Mom, my life is hard, but I’m glad to be alive. I’m glad you decided to have me.” That took a great burden off of me.
You might find this news article of interest:
i’ve debated with myself whether i should reply to this thread because i do have some fear of sharing what i’m about to say, but in the event it’s helpful, i would want to know if someone were in a possibly similar circumstance.
the difference between us is that i recently found out i am pregnant. pretty far along when i found out, too. i’m chronically underweight so missing my monthly wasn’t really noticed. the curiously specifically placed weight gain was.
anyway…this is what’s happening with me and unlike you, i don’t have eight years out of the hospital. i don’t have eight months out. i also didn’t plan this. but condoms fail. clearly.
i am happily married for eleven years… my father lives with us. i have extended family support in the way of my very wealthy grandmother having set up her grandchildren when we each turned twenty five. i’m now forty, so i have means. i also have REALLY, REALLY good healthcare. i don’t work. i haven’t really ever been able to work. i do volunteer now. that’s been one of my things to try and get myself into a routine.
i’m scared shitless. i’ve found that most first time mums are though, so maybe no shocker there. i am also on court ordered injections. that sucks. the things in my life that i’ve had to choose when choosing to continue this pregnancy have been things that have kept me from planning a child, though i have always wanted one, but in a…i want a lot of things, sense. i never would’ve planned this. i’ve never thought myself stable enough. and i’ve never been willing to choose medication and therapy and all that other ■■■■ that i am now signed up for for life. even life itself…is not what i would’ve chosen.
but she’s been through scans and i did amniocentesis and all that. and miraculously she’s fully developing and in excellent shape. i can’t believe it really. you’d think it’d not be like that given my meds and how…i’m just not the picture of ideal pregnant woman here. i’m trying to be one now and that’s the best i can do.
i know there’s a lot of judgment about it, but i’m choosing to do this. it gives me some hope that at least one person on this thread said he’d rather have been born than not.
it is going to be … i will probably never be able to go off injections. and i hate that. but i can’t be trusted to take oral meds. admitting that to myself, sucks. i’m going to be in therapy every week for the rest of my life. i’m going to have to do everything i can to not crack because when i do, i get graphic with it. i’ve tried self surgeries and i’ve tried going off the bridge, i can’t have her and do that, you know? i have to start anger management courses. NOT because i’ve ever acted out toward a person in physical aggression, but because i’m an angry person a lot of the time and i have to deal with that so she is as minimally affected by it as possible. i’m going to have to let another person in my house because i don’t know that even with my partner, my father, and me (my entire extended family is across the atlantic) that that’s enough care. i have to do everything to minimise all other life stress and i have to actively work to let go of years of anger and resentment and i have to try to accept the medical model i ■■■■■■■ loathe because it’s the only way for me to not be psychotic all the time.
i don’t know if it’s a bad idea for you or not. we may have very different circumstances. but i’m going to do everything i can to minimise the impact of my schizophrenia on her, but there will be an impact. i grew up with an ill mum. she died when i was sixteen. but maybe i’m more compassionate as a result? i don’t know. she has a one in four chance of developing this horror (and a three in four chance in avoiding it). but then, i could have a bad heart…and i don’t…or be in financial straights…and i’m not…maybe it’s always a trade off?
i hope this helps and best wishes to you.
Thanks for everything you said
Best to you
I just wanted to give a shout out of support… and with the therapy and the anger management classes, the stable relationship… the good insight… it sounds like your set-up for success.
Wishing good health to you and your arriving daughter.
Sorry I’m not very good at saying all the best and hope everything goes well
Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try though
I practically write the exact same thing in birthday and Christmas cards to everyone and every year and I still struggle each time
Best wishes for all you and your family
oh, what you said was fine. cheers…much appreciated. : )