I am writing a short book on SZA. I want to include some stories about getting diagnosed and on meds in it.
Would you be interested in sharing your story? If so, post it here or PM me with it. I may not use all stories and I may edit for clarity if I do.
I will post the link to it when done in PM. The book will be 99 cent but I will have times where I give it away free and let you all know.
I want to add that I will NOT use your name or the places you name. All of that will be changed to protect you.
I am sza, bipolar type. When I was five, I was already having suicidal thoughts. My mom told me I wanted to jump out the window and kill myself. I had a good upbringing so I guess it was just my brain going haywire already at that young age.
As a teenager I dealt with depression and anger. In my high school years I would often sit in my room and make small cuts on my arm, long before “cutting” was a thing people talked about. I would also get upset and punch holes in the drywall. I argued with my parents a lot and my schoolwork declined severely
When I was like 19 I was seeing a counselor and ended up going to mental health where I was diagnosed as bipolar. Since I was hearing voices at the time (although in hindsight I don’t know if it was full-blown hallucinations or just my loud thoughts) and paranoid they said I might be in the early stages of sz. I started on Lithium and some other meds but didn’t stay on them because I didn’t like the way they made me feel.
I smoked weed and drank for several years, doing the whole self-medicating thing. It kept me reasonably happy although not really okay. I ended up going to the hospital twice for suicide attempts. I was in for like three weeks the first time and two or three weeks the second time.
When I was about 24 I got involved in church and quit getting high. I continued to drink for a while but not all day, every day. I actually did well for about six years, having minimal symptoms and working with an outreach ministry in the small town I lived in. During this time I had mood swings but mostly hypomania that made me very productive and outgoing, two things that help when you’re reaching out to people. My depressive episodes weren’t that bad and I managed to hide them and soldier on. I also had intrusive thoughts that made it hard to pray or read the Bible. But I made it through.
In 2006, when I was 30, I started going downhill again fast. I was living in Michigan with my brother and became suicidal. My wife had left me recently and I wasn’t dealing with it too good. I was also hearing things that didn’t seem to be there and feeling very paranoid. I felt like my thoughts were swirling around outside my head. I decided I didn’t want my brother to come home and find me dead in his bathtub so I called a crisis line, which sent me to the hospital that did psych emergencies. I ended up in a partial hospitalization program where I was diagnosed sz, bipolar type.
A month later I moved back to SC where I currently live. I stay with my parents and see a pdoc and therapist at the mental health center. I have been on meds since 2006 and am fairly stable. My biggest problems are paranoia, intrusive thoughts and feeling like people can hear my thoughts. I also have issues with the CIA. So I struggle on.
Hope this helps.
I came, I saw, I concurred.
Peter is cool with me.
Alrighty! Thanks so much!
No problem! Hope it helps.
Bumping this to see if anyone this weekend wants to share. I need about 4 or 5 stories of diagnosis and life as a schizoaffective
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