Hope this post finds you all well
One time while unmedicated, I went to go see a “shaman” for a spiritual exorcism.
This shaman was an older woman who used to be a psychologist, and lived about two hours away from me in a fisherman’s town.
I forget exactly, but I think her website mentioned she had studied shamanic traditions in the jungles of Borneo under some village leader or something.
Like, I much prefer different shamanic traditions, but I was desperate. You see, I was being attacked and possessed by spirits and all.
So yea, anyways, I remember waking up at the ass crack of dawn on a misty December morning to make the journey up the coast-- $260 in my pocket and a white sheet as requested for the ceremony.
After two hours of driving, I finally arrived at her house-- a quaint two-story New England-style cottage tucked away in the coastal woods, and a car parked in the driveway sporting a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker.
I entered, and immediately smelled the perfume of my grandmother-- long since passed away.
Anyways, long story short: we talked for about an hour and a half, and then she told me my spirit animal was a cat. She then proceeded to bang on a drum until I was semi-lulled into a trance, where she then performed a cleansing.
Afterwards, she invited me to join a group that met up to sing to the whales.
I paid her the $260 and fuucked off.
The whole drive home, I cried.
Her voice had suddenly found its way in my head, and I was convinced she had somehow possessed me as well.
Took about two days for her voice to leave.
…Ultimately, I was out $260, and the voices were still there.
I have always been connected to nature, and have great respect for indigenous cultures and ancient traditions.
The mystique of the natural world calls out to me often, and I yearn to live amongst the trees.
I walk with one foot in a man-made world hurtling towards chaos-- the other foot toeing the natural veil of the unknown.
Psychosis was my heaven, my hell, was an unraveling and a rebuilding of everything I’ve ever thought I knew.
Some days I just really hear that call.
Thanks for reading