Maybe you would feel different with a slow, caring, gentle partner. Not that those are easy to come by. I had a partner one time that lost his erection during foreplay. I was totally fine with it and didn’t abandon the intimacy. I continued to snuggle him. He told me he had “performance anxiety”. I said that was totally fine and not to worry. I let it go. He actually regained his erection and never had a problem again throughout our dating experience. It isn’t super easy to find patient, caring partners whether you are a man or a woman. Unfortunately. But never say never.
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I think my wife’s problem with me over sex was that I blew hot and cold with long spells when the sexual urges were low. She never knew about the first attempt and the performance anxiety. I guess I felt too ashamed to tell her.
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Me…but it’s related to my ptsd mostly…sexual situations cause me a lot of fear and anxiety and end up triggering my paranoia. I end up shutting down. Brings up a lot of other baggage and bad feelings as well I don’t like to think about. Also I find a lot of aspects of sex to just be gross. Genitals are nasty to me, and all the weird fluids that leak out of them. I don’t want that on my hands, I REALLY don’t want it in my mouth.
I used to like physical contact until everything that happened. I’ve worked with myself to where I can tolerate it now but I still really don’t like it.
Hardly a thing to be ashamed of but I understand. It is interesting to hear your perspective because I never knew how traumatizing it could be to a man. Apparently, it can really damage your confidence. I only experienced the one time with an ex BF. It was not a big deal to me. I just accepted that we wouldn’t have intercourse. Just as soon as I let it go, he was fine again. I would never be so cold as to abandon the intimacy over it though. That seems cruel.
Yeah apparently it’s really a huge fear for guys. It’s sad because I know if I was with a guy who was having that issue I wouldn’t care at all. You can’t control bodily processes like that.
I think the only way to overcome that anxiety is to tell your partner and work through it with them.
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As it was I think I got a lucky break. A few weeks later she reported she had VD. Found out years later from another patient I had been in hospital with that she had chased after sex with a lot of the male patients and even a few fathers of patients.
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I’m not sure whether I’m sex or masturbation preference. And by that I mean I have no idea. I usually don’t become aroused or attracted to too many people. But it seems to me that maybe nice people are a turn on to me. However, the only person who I’ve had sex with was not a nice girl. She hurt my feelings on many occasions and then the next girl I was involved with was really nice. Like nice even though what I did was mean. We never had sex even though I suspect we both wanted too and everyone thinks we did anyway.
I am more comfortable with physical intimacy than sex but I will strive for sex like any other person cuz it’s just who I am I guess.
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Phew! Dodged a bullet I’d say
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how can a man be physically intimate without then being taken by his urge to… you know…? o_0
unless you meant hugging. but hugging is casual, no?
but yeah, everyone’s different. or maybe after the first time, the view of “it” is more realistic and less fake/fantasy.
I’ve always enjoyed hugs and kisses because I enjoyed it as a child without sexual overtones. Nothing has changed since then.
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that’s cool. I wasn’t much of a fan for hugs. probably 'cause my aunt would squeezed me so hard, when I was young.
I can’t really remember the last time I’ve been hugged or kissed.
Man I haven’t had a hug in a long time. I plan on hugging my Dad for reasons not suitable for this thread.
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I’m not a big fan of casual hugs either. It’s ok with a partner.
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Yeah, I’m an introvert, I will only hug someone I’m really close to.
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I’ll reluctantly accept hugs from people I’m not close to but would prefer not to.
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I love hugs but only with close friends and family. I don’t hug people that are not ‘huggers’. I typically only hug my kids and my best friend these days. I am single. Oh…and I hug my cat 
I don’t fear sex so much as relationships. A couple of girls where I live are really cute, but I think they have tons of anger inside them that they would bring to a relationship. I’ve been wanting a relationship more and more as I get older, but bad relationships are worse than no relationship.
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I started a birth control pill last month and have been craving sex… before that I could care less but masterbated every few days, just hated it cause I can’t keep my mind from drifting to things I would never do… I wish I had someone there who could cuddle and have sex, be in a relationship, not some casual once in a while thing… but it’s hard to find someone who can deal with my crazy…
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I really like sex. I would definitely choose a real person. There is no substitute for human contact.
For a long time, I preferred masturbation to sex, because of my PTSD. I absolutely hated sex, because it had never been my choice before. Once I met the right person, though, I was able to work with him on learning to enjoy physical intimacy. Now, I thoroughly enjoy sex, and usually prefer it to masturbating.
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