I want to thank everyone here for helping me through my many mental crisis I have had this past year. It’s been really cool to have a place to go with my troubles. I think I might be kinda a bother because I post alot of my breakdowns. I am probably known for that. I’m sorry for that. But want to give a shout out for all who have replied to me. It really makes a difference. Sometimes I think I’m being selfish. Sometimes I think of being more if a positive influence here instead of a freak out and feel lost at that. I’m gonna try to add instead of take.
And again much love to you all and this community. You’ve helped me more than you know in my loneliness and strife. And I hope to repay that debt.
I always talk on the same subject and I thought people were tired of hearing it. Loss and regret. Believe it or not, my voices brought it to my attention. I would not care. He was mad I did not care and forced me to. The devil’s favorite method: force. I’m very confused, my mind is playing tricks on me. I really do believe we might be in a simulation and a lot of people who aren’t mentally ill think the same thing. It doesn’t have to be a computer simulation either. I’ve had strange experiences. I had a severe psychotic episode two days ago. When I’m psychotic it manifests itself as anger. I had never been that bad off, I could barely think! But I knew to do something wrong I would have to make a decision and have thought processes to carry out an action. I feel better today, but I wonder, is my mind going? It just seems like I get worse in one way and better in another. Sleep is so important for us. Playing the blame game is bad too. I really believe in free will and I remember times and places of my bad decisions. But I know as a very small child I have been wronged and it wasn’t my fault unless it was bad karma from a past life. I don’t think there is reincarnation though. I think we live once and move on. My afterlife will be a slightly better world than this one, I hope. Do I need to live forever? Why is that? I want to know some things that really bother me but that’s not a very good reason. I don’t have a happy life right now. I would like to know some people again. Nobody knows me now. I’m a ghost already.
