@Montezuma I’m sorry you feel that way. It sucks thinking that you’re part of an experiment. Can you go for a walk or do some exercise? Helps to get the endorphins going and might make you feel a bit better.
I don’t notice alterations in seasons or the weather but my voices tend to flair up after it gets dark. Used to believe it had something to do with electromagnetic radiation but now I just think its because I get tired at the end of the day.
For me there is definitely a seasonal aspect to my sza. I always have a huge upswing in my symptoms starting in October and lasting until February. You can set your clock by it. This year my pdoc and I are working together to prevent a major depressive episode by scheduling our appointments in 2 week intervals, changing the anti-depressant that I was taking and adding exposure to a full spectrum light bulb daily. I’m hopeful so far.
Some years I get so depressed that I actually lose touch with reality (micro-psychosis) and I’ve been known to lose over 30 lbs in the matter of a month. It’s not uncommon for me to spend all day and night in bed, getting up only to drink something, use the restroom and smoke a cigarette. I get severe pain all over my body and painful digestive issues. I can’t concentrate at all and my memory is so poor I lose huge chunks of time. I dissociate constantly. I struggle with suicidal ideation and attempts and I’ve been hospitalized 7 times.
The wintertime is always hard for me. I am much more depressed especially during the holidays. I think it has to do with the lack of sun, which is strange because I don’t go outside either in the summertime, but my moods are better during that time for some reason.
Also the holidays are quite stressful. Especially with the aspect of having to socialize with family after not seeing them for so long. I dread the questions I get asked every time. ‘You working? Going to school? Why haven’t we seen you all year? Don’t you love us? Daydreaming again?’ Ugh
I can see a trend of low mood starting around October (even though Halloween is my favorite holiday it makes me incredibly depressed that I’m no longer a child)
My depression is the worst from this time until late February. I also noticed that my suicidal ideation and self harming is the worst in the winter. I’ve almost completely stopped self harming, the only time I do it is in the winter months.
I think depression is probably the thing I hate the most about my illness. If I could cure only one thing that would be it. I’ll take the hallucinations, even the panic attacks. But that depression is hell.
My doc told me some people just need antidepressant in the winter. Mostly due to lack of light. He always suggest the high spectrum light bulbs in the winter. And recommendation of stopping meds in the summer if you’re trying to stop.
My depression is definitely worse in the winter. I think it is the weather. It is too dark and cold during the winter. Every so often we get a warmer spell and my mood perks up a bit.
