I deleted my dating profile, even though I was talking to this girl. I donāt feel stable enough for any kind of relationship. I liked talking to her, but I donāt think it would have worked out. I need a break from it.
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Smoke alarm wonāt stop chirpingš
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ā ā ā ā me. My hallucinations decided to be more annoying and unable to be ignored since I took my phone back from my bf to use it for a bit. I hate when they hit me where it hurts.
They keep saying I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder because I āmake everything about me.ā I literally just share similar stories or feelings as a way of showing I actually relate to what theyāre saying because a simple āthat sucks!ā or similar feels really shallow; I also talk about my past and present struggles as a way of basically parsing out why Iām like this, like Iām doing therapy without the therapist. They also say that because I keep fiddling with my teeth and hair, which is mainly done because Iām worried I just straight up look messy and grossā¦ Or they keep saying Iām just too obsessed with myself.
Aaaaaaaa
Nice and rainy today. Good Sunday sleeping weather.
So just vaping a little bit. Itās some sort of smooth tasting juice. I like it.
So tomorrow I am getting my new phone delivered to the post office. Itās just a cheap flip phone through Consumer Cellular. Should do the trick.
Enjoying a Coca-Cola now too.
Hope yāall are well.
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It needs new batteries
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I know lol, but itās too tall to reach @Kin
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How about a chair?
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Donāt have a stable enough of a chair, and itās still too tall using a footstoolā¦ just stuck listening to it till we can get maintenance or something to come
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Iām real short, I stand on a chair or step stool and use the hot dog tongs to change mine.
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Iām contemplating whether my life is a show or not. I get constant commentary in my head from time to time about ā ā ā ā I am doing at the time. I feel like my life is being exploited and Iām in a sort jail or something. Ffs I know itās not true but unbelieving what I already believe is really hard. Especially when sometimes I stop to wonder how tf I could have thought of something particular that pops into my head. It just doesnāt seem like me.
Thatās so exciting that youāre starting your new career as a nurse. How did your first day go?
They be mean sometimes. But when they nice they kinda draw you in. I think in the end itās just a game of making them work for you. Then your illness aināt a weakness itās your Christmas.
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Welcome to the forum!
Do you have a diagnosis of schizophrenia?
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I was diagnosed with bipolar and psychosis. But I wasnāt really open to the docs at the time. My parents think itās drug related (weed,psychadelics). But I feel my symptoms are more schizophrenic. I think it was onset by fluctuations in seratonin levels due to depression meds I was on a while ago mixed with frequent mdma use. I hope to gain clarity at some point whether weed is okay for me or not though. Rn Iām laying of all substances.
Yeah, thatās probably a good idea.
Lay off the herb until the chemicals in your brain readjust. 
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Just finished playing Call of Duty online with a friend.
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Theyāre playing Johnny Cashās cover of Hurt on the radio.
I think the Dj is a little depressed. 
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Ugh that song is so depressing.
I though for many years he sang āmy swedish friendā instead of sweetest
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Haha!
Yeah maybe Iām weird or just heard the song too many times in my life, because it doesnāt really make me feel sad.
It is a rather somber tune.
@Montezuma what was your first horror movie and how old were you? I was nine and saw āCarrieā at the drive in.
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