yes i still have voices, my pdoc says i am at baseline though, whatever that means. and my therapist thought i was in remission, but i don’t tell them about still hearing voices at night. and i don’t tell them the crazy stuff that goes through my head haha.
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Sup y’all.
Cut down 2 6mg nic today, from 12.
Gonna be a brutal few weeks 4 me.
Sending love.
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I’m getting more and more suicidal the closer tomorrow gets. I’m so nervous to have to see my ex in court and listen to her try to convince the judge that I was abusive. I’m sure she’ll use my schizophrenia against me.
I’ve thought long and hard about it and don’t see how I was abusive.
I wasn’t perfect. There are things I could have done better. That’s anyone in retrospect.
She’s the one that threatened suicide several times on me during arguments and punched a hole in the wall among other things.
But she’s convinced I was abusive and she was a victim acting out.
It’s not just this trial that I’m suicidal over but it’s like the icing on top.
She would be very low to use sz against you
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I know but I don’t put anything past her now
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Your vulnerable category person, the court should recognise that
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Or maybe they won’t who knows. Depends on how it effects you I suppose. With me I’d prefer to be less disabled and get fcked in court any day. Winning in court won’t mean ■■■■ if you have a hard sz
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id almost believe that
We bought canned diced mushrooms from the dollar store and they were made in China. They tasted good though.
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I hope everything turns out okay. 
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Provo John’s daughter said I looked young at the viewing in 2017, she then said why dosent he go on the run.John himself said then; no not begsy. Not as a compliment but just meant I was too stupid to. Makes me think my life is gonna get really hard when my mother and sister die. It’s like the first two years of hearing voice were only the beginning . I also now believ that they don’t give a shite if I run away or not
Did you google it? I’d advise you not too
listening to Christmas music lol it helps with my anxiety.
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I feel really really off today. Like yeah I’ve been believing I’m dead for a few months now but today I literally feel like a walking corpse. Somethings wrong
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Ever since I got my hormonal IUD nearly 3 years ago my weight seemed to be messed up forever. I only had it in for 3 months I think before I had it removed due to side effects and rapid weight gain but even after having it removed the weight gain only slowed, not stopped, and it took months to slow down even then. I have gained 100 lbs since then.
Even when I had my over a month long episode of vomiting, lack of appetite and general inability to eat I did not lose any weight and actually gained a few lbs somehow. I have been changing my diet and now eat healthy low calorie meals 2-3 times a day and order dinner only a few times a week (which really is still too much) and I still have not been able to shed so much as a lb.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. When my bloodwork is done the only abnormal value is my testosterone level which is quite high.
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I napped, seems I can’t make it through the day without one
Now I have to do dishes and laundry, so hot, hard to get motivated
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well dad took his boat for it’s maiden voyage, now him and my uncle and mom and the neighbor are all on the boat at the dock yucking it up. i was over there but decided to come home for the night. i’ve drank my gallon of water for the day, i may drink more it’s only 7pm or a little after here. as long as i stop drinking by 9pm i get all the pee out by bedtime haha.
gotta set my alarm to wake up at 9am tomorrow. i have a shot of meds at 1130 and it takes about a half hour to get to the hospital from here. i want to be up early enough to get a shower and a couple cups a coffee, although i think the coffee will make my blood pressure readings higher at the nurse’s office. o well.
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Hello ole chaps! 
So good news! The VA is opening a clinic that’s super close to me and they’re going to offer optometry and mental health services. I’m happier than a pig in shiznit!
I got two new videos today. A DVD documentary called Straight to Video, and a Spanish horror movie on bluray titled Panic Beats. Hopefully neither of these stink. I kinda took a gamble on them. No big deal if they do though. I enjoy collecting.
Remember kiddos, take out the trash, take out the cat, yackity yack, don’t talk back! 
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im trying to think if it’s been 3 years or just 2 and half years since i’ve been sick. i got sick the first year mom and dad stayed at their new place. it was new years i remember and i shared a glass of wine with them and then i got a runny nose for 2 weeks. i know last january me and dad went to natchez, mississippi but for some reason im thinking there was a year in between them. o well maybe it has only been 2 and half years since i was last sick but it seems like 3 years. being a hermit is the secret to not getting sick, the only social activity i get is my 2 minutes a day at the gas station and my time with mom and dad, but mom and dad are social so they can potentially get me sick, but they have both been sick 2 or 3 times and i have not caught it. knock on wood.
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