She blames my mother as well… It’s so strange, I had not realized that I had a rough childhood.
Childhood is rough.
I’ve always thought of my childhood as pretty normal but looking back, I can see that some parts were pretty bad. Since that’s all I knew, it’s hard to think of it as abnormal. I think people can become accustomed to almost anything.
I will give my children better memories to look back on.
A few decades ago it was very trendy to blame the mother for the hang ups and psychological problems of the young. There were some things my mother did that I wish she didn’t do, but overall she was a good mother. We need to give our mothers credit for the back breaking work of raising kids.
Therapists are not supposed to “blame” anyone. Its just a recursive question. Your mom hurt you? Who hurt your mom? And who hurt the person who hurt your mom? Blame is not useful. The questions is how are you feeling and where can we go from here?
I agree, if this therapist is placing blame on your Mom for the way you turned out, I would seriously reconsider seeing a different therapist.
In the past, therapists and psychiatrists blamed the mother for causing schizophrenia in their children
my parents did their best despite many difficulties, it wasn’t their fault i had this weakness within me, i just wish i was a stronger person and maybe the strength i got from them was limited but i still have fight in me yet.
Whoa now you guys, you weren’t there. She was simply telling me that my trauma was valid. She did nothing offensive. My mother did not do her best in raising me. She was addicted to drugs and had her own set of issues. That being said, my mother and I have a wonderful relationship NOW, but, I have a lot of scars that the therapist is helping with. For years I have made myself the evil one.
I know exactly what you mean events that made us feel we were bad unlikable unlovable and even evil. I think I am an evil person if I get angry. no one can tell me what to do about it tho.
I think that the first step is realizing that it’s not your fault, or, at least in my case. I spent so long thinking that if I had just done better…
your worth was tied up in achieving? my very very person was baaaad wrong disgareable.
Not so much achieving, but, being good, getting good grades, doing good in sports, being a leader, just overall, being better.
so she could tell other people yeah I know she cared too much what other people thought.
you can break the cycle. that a great great thing.
Hm, I don’t understand your statement…
it wont be like that for YOUR kids.
Oh, I got the second statement, just not the first one!
I had the same experience when my school counselor told me my dad had been emotionally abusive towards my mom, which had caused us kids to hate him. That was really weird to hear, but it was very true, he used to be really nasty, and he’d scream at her every other night it seemed, ending in her sobbing. Agh. Glad that time period’s over.