I thought I could at least warn you so you wouldn’t have to read me if you don’t like this.
But I did not like my mother and my mother didn’t like me. Do you know how difficult that is when you are dependent on a person you don’t like? It makes life very difficult. And then, when you start to grow up, you realize you haven’t developed any character and are not much more than an opportunist. Disappointing is what it is, but maybe not insurmountable.
Same situation here.
I appreciate your posts 
hope to see more of your reflections
That was my situation with both my parents growing up too. I had to put on an act to make sure I was liked or didn’t fall foul of their contradictory demands.
I grew up just acting and never knew who I was. A situation which lasted until I was forcibly hospitalised in 2008.
It might even be typical of we szs, @everhopeful and how we get so lost.
Sort of like the kind of difficult that comes with your mom helping her psycho-pedo freak boyfriend violently rape you over a span of YEARS? It happened and I’m leaving what I can back there. It’s not an excuse or a crutch for me.
The difference between you and me is I immediately forgot any bad times because it wouldn’t look good to the world. What I’m really doing now is discovering myself and all the trauma that was buried as soon as is happened or during. I was often barely conscious. I think it was beyond your understanding that it was better for me to remember the bad and so I am glad in a way, to know the horrible and pen it down.
Oh, I understand.
Whatever’s going on with you and your mother sounds a bit neurotic.
Are you aware of the definition of neurosis?
Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them.
I am complaining, not denying.
If you understand, then why do you complain about me?
Fair enough. Your posts are always intelligent, I just wonder about your fixation on your mother
My dad used to hit me when I was two years old. My sister told me. He was abusive to me until he couldn’t talk because of dementia. I forgive him and tell him to rest in peace. What else can I do?
Because I couldn’t get it through my head that I actually did hate her. I had believed people who thought mothers always love their children. That only left me lost and confursed.
True. I child has no place else to go.
This seems circular. What I’m trying to say is that I think you need to get over it. As long as the pain of your past defines you, I still think that’s kind of neurotic
Maybe I’m wrong
I can’t change the pain. I can change the lies I believed.
Yeah I hear that. Good luck!
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