Im overwhelmed with sadness about the pain i caused other people through being ill and paranoid and angry. My mum being ill kind of made me realise.
I wonder if i should use more meds too, just to be more sure i dont relapse and cause issues.
Uhm. Help? Would anyone want to exchange thoughts?
The hardest part about this illness is how it effects my family. I have to try real hard to be kind to myself, and you should be kind to yourself. You didnt ask to get ill, and it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault.
Also I would talk to your pdoc and dont mess around with your meds on your own.
Thanks. Yes, i think i will discuss the med thing with my pdoc tomorrow. Im not sure how to find a balance between being stable enough not to cause trouble, but not being so stable and blunted i cant show genuine care and love to the people dear to me.
I find it hard to be kind to myself. I didnt ask to be ill, but i still feel I should have somehow…dealt with it in a better way? I dont want to be the cause of their hurt.
It’s all a learning experience though and you’re human. I know personally for me when I was bad it was a good day if I could function enough to take care of myself yet alone worry about how i treat other people. There are things i wish i would have handled with more grace for sure, but like I said I was lucky to function.
All I’m trying to say is dont beat yourself up over it. This illness is bad enough without the guilt.
I will try. 
Also me beating myself up wont make things more pleasant to the people surrounding me, that is certain. I have to try and stay positive to support my mum.
It’s hard, but you can do it! I’m sorry your mother is ill.
Thanks. We decided i up the meds a little, to 1mg. Im not delusional, but im panicking about my mum all the time and i want to make sure i dont relapse in this period. I also on recommendation of my boss decided to cancel work for tomorrow, so i have some time to destress.
Definitely take some time for yourself. I hate cliches, and this phrase is kind of a cliche these days, but it’s okay to not be okay 100% of the time.
Give yourself time to relax and try some breathing exercises, that may help.
Im happy with your “listening” and advice. I’ll try the breathing!
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