Sometimes it feels like I missed some sort of recovery deadline. My symptoms are getting worse. The detachment from myself and everything that surrounds. It’s affecting the people I love and that’s just no good. Things are bad and I’m scared of them to get worse. I don’t want to contact any sort of crisis line out of fear they’re gonna try putting me into a ward.
I don’t have insurance and no way to afford that now, which is my biggest frustration. As a teen I had that access, but I worked so hard against everyone else because I felt like they were my enemy. It just feels like all the refusal of help growing up has so heavily hindered my ability to recover as an adult and it’s so frustrating. Now that I want to get better, the resources I so desperately need are slipping from my hands.
I’m not in any active danger, I just feel aimless and needed somewhere to go where it didn’t feel burdensome on anyone. I just hope someone out there understands me, or did at some point, and can tell me that recovery is still there. Just a bumpy path. Sorry if this is any rule breaker or tagged wrong. I triple checked rules and tried to make sure of it, but I’m still overly paranoid of screwing something up.
And no worries about your post. Nothing broke the rules. All us mods were offline at the same time, so there was nobody to approve your first post until just now.
What I can say is that your story there feels like something I could have written ten years ago. Well, truthfully, I wasn’t self-aware enough to have written something like that, but if I could, I would have. Things got better for me. Things also got better for lots of people here. There is hope, and there are paths to a fulfilling life.
All’s good with that. I realized my connection was a little shotty the other night and thus it tried to post this out twice, so I am apologetic for that. I wasn’t intentionally trying to spam.
I also wasn’t active when I initally read this, but it brought me near to tears when I saw it. Thank you. I just really needed to hear that. Sometimes it feels like being self aware is a good thing and yet at times a curse. I don’t know how how to explain it. Things are just rough, but maybe in a few years they won’t be.
Well, now you are aware of that and you can change that. Let people help you, no one can go it completely alone. There’s the whole field of psychiatry where the doctors, therapists and psychologists dedicate their lives to helping people like us. Sure, there are bad apples and people who are bad at their jobs in all professions but if you keep an open mind and give mental health workers the benefit of the doubt they may really be able to help you.
Are you working on getting insurance? If you’re in the U.S. you can apply for medicaid and Medicare. If you’ve worked before you but can’t work now you can apply for SSDI (social security disability insurance) or if you’ve never worked you may still be eligible for SSI (supplemental security income).
Everybody recovers at their own rate, there’s no hard, fast rules that states what phase of your recovery you should be in though I think there are general phases of recovery. A lot of people recover and get better. Use every resource you can; use the social security office, your local clinic even the church if that helps. Good luck, I hope you find some relief.
Thank you for sharing, and welcome to the forum. I understand how you feel, I am in a similar place myself right now, so you’re not alone. I think that recovery is still possible for us both.
