I’m so sorry for another post but I … I … Miss you. You comfort me with your presence.i love coming on here.
I’m so rotten inside. I’m evil, maybe Alien is right and I’m a murderer in the making.
I’m beyond help. What’s the use of seeing a pdoc?
Why am I so depressed when I’m taking antidepressant for a year and it was working so well and was increased a few months ago and depression seems to have come back why? Am I treatment resistant or has it stopped working?
I can’t see any hope for the future. Every time it happens, I slide. It doesn’t stop. alien says I’m glad it doesn’t and maybe he’s right and in just a attention seekerr.
Maybe I deserve to be ignored, thrown aside to lie in gutter. Fuuck I don’t know anymore. After 20 years of sza it should have stopped or at least improved by now but it’s just more episodes more hospitalisation s and more meds.
There doesn’t seem to be any point in fighting. Onward schizo soldiers marching off to war left right left right in the gutter ha ha.
I guess I’m a martyr
I had this same line of thinking when I was in rehab. Its not true, you are not repulsive, youre not attention seeking from what I can tell but your self esteem is for sure in the toilet. Probably a big part of that is the voices encouraging the negative self doubt
First I would say you need to get on the right med combo. Took me years but it finally cleared my head enough to where I have the capacity to work without the stress sending me to the hospital. Only very recently did this happen.
Second, therapy. Get a good therapist and stick with them at all costs. This can take as long as the meds in some places (south eastern US being imo some of the worst; uncaring or even downright predatory). They will teach you coping skills to combat the negative self talk and raise your self esteem
After all that, its just maintenance. One screw up would be all it takes to take you out of orbit and spiral down. Scary but its the truth. And its hard work, but I believe you can do it. You have to believe that too
Only one decision can change your whole life. Could be for the better or for worse. But you’re a veteran with sza and you got some insight so its time to start and make cleverer choices.
I know Abilify is not on the state formulary, but have you tried it. The generic, Arizofy is not that expensive. I’m now almoat 10 years on it with Lamotragine and had no hospitalisations since starting it. I had the odd relapse but I pulled through with med adjustments.
You’re not rotten inside. With the right meds regimen these thoughts and feelings will become managable.
Keep posting. I’d like to rant sometimes but I’m too paranoid that someone who knows me and knows i’m on this site read my posts.
You can get through this. Don’t lose hope. I haven’t noticed anything repulsive about you. You have a mental illness. You’re entitled to be quirky. What is this quirkyness doing for you? You deserve to feel better. As for the antidepressants, the ssri’s have been known to lose their strength on depressed people. It’s called the “Prozac poop out”. Talk to your pdoc about getting on a different med. New ones are coming out all the time.
I’m sorry it’s been so rough for you. I was depressed for many years so I understand what you’re going through. But the good news is I’m no longer depressed. I’m better than before. So I know that you too can eventually get better. Just don’t give up
I told you how to deal with alien but I can’t do it in your stead…
He needs to be ignored. The more you listen, the more power he has over you. Wish him away little by little, day by day.
Oh I believe there was another forum member. Who didn’t let voices dictate his thoughts. @Chess24 are you still around?
